My daughter's second birthday is on March 1st. The second birthday parents can get away without really having one because she will forget anyway. My son doesn't remember his second birthday. I am glad, because for his second I invited one family and had just my family. My friend was pregnant at the time with her third and could not make it, she was so sick. My mom misses all these events because she lives in Germany and my dad was there, but my husbands family does not like mine. So, it was in my in laws back yard because we lived in an apartment at the time. My father in law sat under a tree by himself. My mother in law and sister in law decided to go shopping. It was just my dad, my pregnant sister and her husband talking to each other and my son played around by himself with all his presents. He had a good time and it was just me that was mad.
I have decided for my daughters second to go to the Aquarium and look at the fishes and my son may get more out of it than her. After that, we may do dinner with my sister and her family and my husbands parents.
This gets me thinking about my son's 6th birthday in August. I am worried he may ask for a party. I think kids birthdays with big bouncy castles, slides, magicians can be over the top and ridiculous. Here is a list of why I find big kids birthday parties ridiculous:
1. Who to invite? Some parents have lots of friends and they invite everyone they know. But, some parents don't have that many friends and can only invite two or three couple friends, but if the birthday is in August, many people go away, especially during the long week end. If he wants to invite kids from his class, moms have to start making friends before the end of school, but not everyone will RSVP. It is too risky to invite the class and a big headache for mom.
2. By 6, the child may have been to a few birthday parties already and if he sees the bouncy castle, or people going to legoland etc, which can be pretty expensive, he will expect the same. Then he wants to have a big birthday party with bouncy castle and lots of presents etc, not realizing that mom may not know that many people or have the finances to support such an event that they will forget in a few years anyway. Really, who is the party about? mom? or child? It creates a false set of expectations.
3. While it is great to celebrate your child's birthday, I wouldn't go overboard because what are you trying to teach your child? I don't want my child to feel a sense of entitlement and I know this is why we are living in the "me" generation. Parents want to keep their kids entertained and happy. But, in fact by big and extravagant birthdays, it may do the opposite of what is intended. My son once went to a birthday, where there was a magician, face painting, it was like a circus and the birthday boy spent most of his time alone in his room. He was actually more of an introvert. All the parties of his mom's we went to after that, this boy would be the first to go to bed and hide away from the crowd. The party was more about what mom can do. But she was a fabulous hostess.
It is important to teach your child, that they are not the centre of the universe and that other people may be busy. It is good to teach your child that a birthday is about him and it is ok to spend it with just the family and it is ok not to get a lot of presents and it is still nice to make a day out of it where the child feels special, even if that means not a big party. I mean a child's self worth comes from within and not how many people can attend your party. It teaches your kid not to rely on other people so much for happiness. Of course, if I have a party for my child it will be the closest people to me and very small and intimate. All one needs is close friends and a birthday cake and a few presents.
4. Wanting what other kids have. How do you explain that it is okay to be different from what others do? Not everyone has the same number of family and friends support or economic situations. We are all different and unique. So, let's try not to want what others have. Thanks to the other moms that invited me to their kids parties and can do what I can not and now I have to explain this to my son. I am just joking in a way, I look at every situation as a teaching moment.
5. Kids can be mean. If parents invite the whole class or every kid that has ever invited your kid, then there may be a lot of people and some can be mean to the others. At my son's 4th birthday, we had 15 kids and one child we did not know well told my son that lego was boring and he did not like any of my son's toys. This kid had tons of toys and he started talking about all the cool stuff he had that my son didn't and my son felt bad. We have not really seen that family since. our children do not get a long that well. I just wanted to live up to the expectations that I put on myself because other moms had cool parties for their kids. I learned my lesson and will not do that again.
Kids birthdays are about the child. As long as you do something special with your kids and maybe have one or two friends, then your child will be happy. For my son's fifth, we had a family birthday, with his one other cousin and the next day, we invited one of his friends to go with us to lego land. he had a fun time. When I told him we were not having a party for him, he was disappointed, but when I said he could choose a friend to go to lego land, he was very excited.
I just want parents and myself to know that it is okay if you don't have an abundance of friends. Most people have one or two really good friends and that is all you need. It is okay to not spend too much money on an over the top birthday party for your kids if you don't have the money or if you don't want to, your kids will forgive you and thank you. It is okay not to buy too many presents for your kids, most of them will get broken in the first week anyway, so by not inviting the whole class, mom doesn't have so many gifts that the kids don't know what to do with. It is okay if your kid feels sad, bored or disappointed, it is a part of life, but hopefully, they have a good day on their birthday what ever you decide to do.
Also, a birthday party to involves less people is easier on mom and kid still feels loved and it teaches your child about close friendships and that it is okay to not rely on other people so much for happiness, you can still have a great birthday party, even if no one comes because it is about the child. That is life. So many kids spend birthdays in sick kids hospital or without food or any kind of celebration. Thank your lucky stars for what your parents can give you, kid!
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