I was watching the Morning show and Liza Fromer had asked this question. I thought about it and wondered what other people thought of this topic and this could be a good discussion amongst mothers. Parenting is hard and I have noticed that many parents judge each other's parenting and sometimes it's hard not to. So, if you do not like your friends kids, do you tell them? I would never tell my friend because it is saying something against her parenting. However, my friend may know by my actions. Recently, I feel one of my friends does not like my children. She has a son and daughter the same age as mine. Every time I ask to get together, she will not answer the question but she will say, it can be just you and me that get together. If I say Markus would love to see your son, she will ignore the comment and say how about we do something just the two of us. When I have been with her, Markus has not wanted to leave her house and he put up a fuss. Her son on the other hand, listens well, but I have seen him be mean behind his mom's back, where as Markus is loud but not mean, he doesn't know if he is doing it and so nothing is secretly done behind an adult's back or he is not trying to suck up to an adult. However, it can often look bad when he throws a tantrum but later he tells me what the other kid did to cause it. It is like that move Home Alone 2 when Kevin was singing in a school choir but his brother was behind him making faces and taunting him. Finally Kevin had it and turned around and punched his brother, causing the back row to fall, people to fall off the stage and the displays to fall over, ruining the whole performance. So who should get in trouble? Kevin or his older brother?
This irritated me with my friend, because I know she doesn't care to see my children and this hurts my feelings, because I feel she has judged my children but they are just kids. Her children are no picnic either. They have very different personalities, but they are also just kids and age 5 is a pretty annoying age. They can be the sweetest kids ever and want to please and then suddenly throw the biggest tantrums over the smallest things. At age 5, we sometimes forget that they are still little because it seems that they are so smart and can do so much for themselves but the reality is emotionally, they are still babies and learning how to communicate effectively, that does not happen over night.
So, it is possible to be friends if you do not like their children. However, I think that although it is not said, it is implied. Yet, I think we should all accept that kids change and sometimes I don't even like my own kids so I don't expect others to always love them either. As adults, we shouldn't take that one tantrum that our friends kids had and hold it against them and put them in a box, saying this is the way they are. Because it is not. we can't all be in good moods. Sometimes I say the "F" word and I can't stop. But, it is not always like that, it depends how much sleep I have gotten the night before. It is the same with our kids. They can't all be well behaved all the time.
As kids get older and get more responsibilities and their peers play a huge role in shaping their personalities as well, then the parents can get together without kids. The kids will make their own friends and that is okay. I didn't always like my mom's long time friends as I got older and so I didn't have to see them.
Overall, when kids are so young, let's try not to judge, but if our kids don't like each other that is another story. So, yes a friendship can still exist independent of the kids. The aim though is try to get the kids to get along and constantly teach social interactions and how to play, listen and communicate. It's all about learning. That is how I look at it.
What are some other thoughts? Has anyone been in this situation?
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Monday, November 25, 2013
How many Christmas gifts do you get for each kid?
With Christmas right around the corner and so many things that I want to get for my kids, I was wondering how many gifts do you get for your kids? And for what age group? Is there an appropriate number for the age group?
When I was young, my twin and I would often get gifts that would cover the entire living room floor between the two of us. It was actually a bit ridonkulous. When I think of it, not one gift rings out in my memory that I loved as a child. I remember getting a china doll with a white face and beautiful white dress but that is it. I don't even know what happened to that doll. I used to get lots of clothes...
For my kids, I do not want to overload them with gifts, where they don't appreciate them. My two year old will not notice yet, but my 5 yr old will. I want to also teach him that christmas is not just about gift getting but also about gift giving. My son, does not ask for much at all. We go to the store and I hear lots of kids beg their parents for things but my son does not. He likes to play with the toys when he is there but when I say "C'mon we are leaving!" he leaves the toys behind and just follows me. At the cash, he will ask for a kinder egg.
One year, when he was 3, we went overboard with the gifts. We celebrate Christmas eve. He opened 5 presents and then got bored and on Christmas day when we gave him the rest of the gifts, he whinned and didn't want to open them, he said he had enough! At the time, we went overboard out of guilt. I wasn't spending a lot of time with him because I was pregnant and dad was in ICU and we were moving from an apartment to a house in a different city away from our friends, but closer to family, where he was the only kid. His cousin was only 1 at the time, so did not get many gifts.
This year, he only asked for one thing and that was the xbox 360 new superheros lego marvel game that came out last week. This leaves me to wonder what other parents do, if they have a limit with how much they get their kids and nieces and nephews etc.
In our family, we have a very small one. My husbands parents go away every christmas, so we don't spend christmas with them. They leave before christmas day. So, we usually spend christmas eve with my sister and her husband and son. On Christmas day, we are invited over to my brother in laws family. We have three kids only between us and therefore, we only get gifts for the kids and not the adults.
This is why I hate christmas. There is so much pressure to give the perfect gift. I just want to give all their old toys to children who need them more and give one gift to each child and that is it. However, I think we should teach kids to have their own traditions and it doesn't matter what or how much the neighbour kids get. Am I right? Teach them that it is nice of santa to get gifts but he also wants to see use give to those that don't have as much. How do I teach my children that giving is better than getting when at the ages of 3 to7 they like to copy each other and it is all about topping one another. In elementary school, I was bullied for not having the coolest clothes like other kids. My parents couldn't afford it.
Christmas presents itself with a lot of worries, sometimes worries that shouldn't be worries at all. I say just do what feels right, while teaching giving and compassion but not just around Christmas, all year long.
When I was young, my twin and I would often get gifts that would cover the entire living room floor between the two of us. It was actually a bit ridonkulous. When I think of it, not one gift rings out in my memory that I loved as a child. I remember getting a china doll with a white face and beautiful white dress but that is it. I don't even know what happened to that doll. I used to get lots of clothes...
For my kids, I do not want to overload them with gifts, where they don't appreciate them. My two year old will not notice yet, but my 5 yr old will. I want to also teach him that christmas is not just about gift getting but also about gift giving. My son, does not ask for much at all. We go to the store and I hear lots of kids beg their parents for things but my son does not. He likes to play with the toys when he is there but when I say "C'mon we are leaving!" he leaves the toys behind and just follows me. At the cash, he will ask for a kinder egg.
One year, when he was 3, we went overboard with the gifts. We celebrate Christmas eve. He opened 5 presents and then got bored and on Christmas day when we gave him the rest of the gifts, he whinned and didn't want to open them, he said he had enough! At the time, we went overboard out of guilt. I wasn't spending a lot of time with him because I was pregnant and dad was in ICU and we were moving from an apartment to a house in a different city away from our friends, but closer to family, where he was the only kid. His cousin was only 1 at the time, so did not get many gifts.
This year, he only asked for one thing and that was the xbox 360 new superheros lego marvel game that came out last week. This leaves me to wonder what other parents do, if they have a limit with how much they get their kids and nieces and nephews etc.
In our family, we have a very small one. My husbands parents go away every christmas, so we don't spend christmas with them. They leave before christmas day. So, we usually spend christmas eve with my sister and her husband and son. On Christmas day, we are invited over to my brother in laws family. We have three kids only between us and therefore, we only get gifts for the kids and not the adults.
This is why I hate christmas. There is so much pressure to give the perfect gift. I just want to give all their old toys to children who need them more and give one gift to each child and that is it. However, I think we should teach kids to have their own traditions and it doesn't matter what or how much the neighbour kids get. Am I right? Teach them that it is nice of santa to get gifts but he also wants to see use give to those that don't have as much. How do I teach my children that giving is better than getting when at the ages of 3 to7 they like to copy each other and it is all about topping one another. In elementary school, I was bullied for not having the coolest clothes like other kids. My parents couldn't afford it.
Christmas presents itself with a lot of worries, sometimes worries that shouldn't be worries at all. I say just do what feels right, while teaching giving and compassion but not just around Christmas, all year long.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Being a stay at home mom or a working mom is NOT always a choice. Stop Judging Women!!!!!
I hate when I hear people on the news or in general say it a "choice" and we have to live with that. Lately I have been seeing articles circulate on facebook, yahoo and twitter, such as Why I regret being a stay at home mom and in response to that another angry blogger wrote Why I don't regret being a stay at home mom, this was on Huffington post. On Facebook, an article was posted: What does a stay at home mom do all day and then another article: What Not to say to a working mom followed by an article: Being a mom in Not the most important job.
Everyone is trying to just defend their position and roles in their current life. It baffles me because the grass is always greener on the other side and in this life we are all just trying to do the best we can. So, women, especially need to stop judging each other's parenting abilities, unless we see complete cruelty and need to get CAS involved, we need to lend a helping hand to others. Instead of patting ourselves on the back and thinking, thank god my child doesn't act that way etc. The truth of the matter is that sometimes it is hard not to judge, especially when we feel dissatisfied with our current roles, we need to make ourselves feel better by looking at our children's behaviour and attributing their good or bad behaviour to whether we stay home and spend enough time with them or work outside the home. Either way, parents that work outside the home or inside the home will feel guilty about something. Guess what? our kids will love us and be happy if we are happy. They will model what they see. If we smile a lot at our kids, they will smile back and they will smile outside at others as well, whether we work or not.
I wanted to comment first of all on the "choice" thing because that really bothered me. Then I want to comment on what stay at home moms do all day and then on what not to say to a working mom.
It is not a choice that I stay home with my kids. We made a decision based on what is economically best for the family unit considering my position in life before we had the kids and the circumstances that followed. It is not always a "choice" when the woman or man works a lower paying job and has to make sacrifices in order to maintain the family unit. I went on mat leave with my son 5 yrs ago. When I wanted to return to work, they would not give me my job back. I could have sued but I did not because I didn't make enough and I would lose money. It was not a job I cared for and would not want to work that company again that do not value women's rights. After my second child, my husband works all the time and we have no family support around that I would not make enough to pay for daycare for two kids. My sister is a teacher and my brother in law in the same boat works retail and shift work. He has compromised his family time for work and he has had my support that allowed him to do that. I would care for my nephew for free. In order to build someone up, someone has to be there to provide the support. A cushion for landing. I became just that. I watched my nephew, my husband could work all hours and week ends, I am there for the kids and my brother in law could work and take my sister to her doctors appointments for the basal cell carcinoma and now she is pregnant again.
There are times, when I would love to work outside the home just to feel like I was developing some skills that did not involve cleaning up messes all day and setting up activities for the kids. However, this is temporary. On the flip side, women who work, like my sister, it is not a choice. My sister has to work, her husband doesn't make enough to support a family and my sister also loves her job. Yet, some women have to work and so do their husbands to maintain a comfortable lifestyle and live within their means. For some couples, it is a choice, but they choice to live well below their means and compromise a lot to stay home, some women have disabled children and are forced to stay home and are barely surviving economically, just stretching it thin. Therefore, you make choices within your means and if one choice is a choice your not willing to do, because it's a matter of the lesser of two evils, then it is not really a choice. Woman make choices based on what can be done and what is economically best for their family.
Another point, we are failing to acknowledge is that there should be more social programs and help to get long time stay at home moms back in the workforce. A program that is costly and helps update skills, provides counselling and perhaps low cost babysitting, one on one support.
As for what do stay at home moms do all day? Well, the article came across as being very defensive and went into "let me tell you!" in your face. Then, talked about scheduling appointments, chauffering kids around, caring for sick children, laundry, cleaning, setting up activities, cooking etc. Well, I say working moms do that as well, unless they have a nanny or hired help or retired grandparents. But, let's assume working moms do that also. No days for me are the same and I also have time to wonder this very question myself. I wish someone would just give me a schedule that I can go through and check off as I complete the tasks. Some days, I am bored. After my son goes to school, I play with my daughter for a bit, try to get her outside if the weather is nice and based on how I am feeling. I made a stress ball with the kids a few days ago out of rice and balloons and they loved it. When I am not cooking, vacuuming or cleaning, which is not everyday or scheduling appointments, I have loads of time to play with my kids. There are gray days where I sit them in front of the tv and I go on the computer and we don't talk for hours. I feel completely bored and numb. Yet, when I do call a friend out of boredom and I need some higher interaction, other than what my kids provide me, that is the moment they need something and will not leave me alone.
I do get bored. I also have days that are fast paced and I can't believe where the time as gone. Two days a week, I look after someone else's child and get paid a little something. I do it so my son will have a play mate. I also try to get out of the house the two days that I get a car. My husband and I share the car, this also makes it hard for me to find a job, transportation and living in the suburbs, where buses come once every hour.
Overall, woman need to support each other and as far as what not to say to working moms, well stay at home moms also get the same comments such as "you stay home, good for you" or "you work, good for you, I couldn't do it, I would miss my kids too much, but good for you". Either way, it is condescending. We also need to stop being so sensitive. If someone else says they couldn't work outside the home, well, then they couldn't or they could just be trying to make themselves feel better. Let's show others more understanding. If someone says to me "your lucky you get to stay home, I wish I could", I will respond with, yeah I know, I would also love to work outside the home somedays, but this is temporary".
The bottom line is that while our kids are young, these moments are fleeting and temporary and no matter whether you work or stay home, your kids will know how much you love them and that you are trying to do the best you can for the family. It is not about you (MOM) it is about the kids and guiding and teaching and personal development as well as social development. It is about learning and growing with your kids at any age!
What do you think about the stay at home vs working mom debate? Is it time to end the debate? Which is happier the working mom or stay at home mom? And how long should you stay home and at what age does your youngest child have to be before the stay at home mom looks for work? Should there be more social programs to help stay at home moms re enter the workforce?
Everyone is trying to just defend their position and roles in their current life. It baffles me because the grass is always greener on the other side and in this life we are all just trying to do the best we can. So, women, especially need to stop judging each other's parenting abilities, unless we see complete cruelty and need to get CAS involved, we need to lend a helping hand to others. Instead of patting ourselves on the back and thinking, thank god my child doesn't act that way etc. The truth of the matter is that sometimes it is hard not to judge, especially when we feel dissatisfied with our current roles, we need to make ourselves feel better by looking at our children's behaviour and attributing their good or bad behaviour to whether we stay home and spend enough time with them or work outside the home. Either way, parents that work outside the home or inside the home will feel guilty about something. Guess what? our kids will love us and be happy if we are happy. They will model what they see. If we smile a lot at our kids, they will smile back and they will smile outside at others as well, whether we work or not.
I wanted to comment first of all on the "choice" thing because that really bothered me. Then I want to comment on what stay at home moms do all day and then on what not to say to a working mom.
It is not a choice that I stay home with my kids. We made a decision based on what is economically best for the family unit considering my position in life before we had the kids and the circumstances that followed. It is not always a "choice" when the woman or man works a lower paying job and has to make sacrifices in order to maintain the family unit. I went on mat leave with my son 5 yrs ago. When I wanted to return to work, they would not give me my job back. I could have sued but I did not because I didn't make enough and I would lose money. It was not a job I cared for and would not want to work that company again that do not value women's rights. After my second child, my husband works all the time and we have no family support around that I would not make enough to pay for daycare for two kids. My sister is a teacher and my brother in law in the same boat works retail and shift work. He has compromised his family time for work and he has had my support that allowed him to do that. I would care for my nephew for free. In order to build someone up, someone has to be there to provide the support. A cushion for landing. I became just that. I watched my nephew, my husband could work all hours and week ends, I am there for the kids and my brother in law could work and take my sister to her doctors appointments for the basal cell carcinoma and now she is pregnant again.
There are times, when I would love to work outside the home just to feel like I was developing some skills that did not involve cleaning up messes all day and setting up activities for the kids. However, this is temporary. On the flip side, women who work, like my sister, it is not a choice. My sister has to work, her husband doesn't make enough to support a family and my sister also loves her job. Yet, some women have to work and so do their husbands to maintain a comfortable lifestyle and live within their means. For some couples, it is a choice, but they choice to live well below their means and compromise a lot to stay home, some women have disabled children and are forced to stay home and are barely surviving economically, just stretching it thin. Therefore, you make choices within your means and if one choice is a choice your not willing to do, because it's a matter of the lesser of two evils, then it is not really a choice. Woman make choices based on what can be done and what is economically best for their family.
Another point, we are failing to acknowledge is that there should be more social programs and help to get long time stay at home moms back in the workforce. A program that is costly and helps update skills, provides counselling and perhaps low cost babysitting, one on one support.
As for what do stay at home moms do all day? Well, the article came across as being very defensive and went into "let me tell you!" in your face. Then, talked about scheduling appointments, chauffering kids around, caring for sick children, laundry, cleaning, setting up activities, cooking etc. Well, I say working moms do that as well, unless they have a nanny or hired help or retired grandparents. But, let's assume working moms do that also. No days for me are the same and I also have time to wonder this very question myself. I wish someone would just give me a schedule that I can go through and check off as I complete the tasks. Some days, I am bored. After my son goes to school, I play with my daughter for a bit, try to get her outside if the weather is nice and based on how I am feeling. I made a stress ball with the kids a few days ago out of rice and balloons and they loved it. When I am not cooking, vacuuming or cleaning, which is not everyday or scheduling appointments, I have loads of time to play with my kids. There are gray days where I sit them in front of the tv and I go on the computer and we don't talk for hours. I feel completely bored and numb. Yet, when I do call a friend out of boredom and I need some higher interaction, other than what my kids provide me, that is the moment they need something and will not leave me alone.
I do get bored. I also have days that are fast paced and I can't believe where the time as gone. Two days a week, I look after someone else's child and get paid a little something. I do it so my son will have a play mate. I also try to get out of the house the two days that I get a car. My husband and I share the car, this also makes it hard for me to find a job, transportation and living in the suburbs, where buses come once every hour.
Overall, woman need to support each other and as far as what not to say to working moms, well stay at home moms also get the same comments such as "you stay home, good for you" or "you work, good for you, I couldn't do it, I would miss my kids too much, but good for you". Either way, it is condescending. We also need to stop being so sensitive. If someone else says they couldn't work outside the home, well, then they couldn't or they could just be trying to make themselves feel better. Let's show others more understanding. If someone says to me "your lucky you get to stay home, I wish I could", I will respond with, yeah I know, I would also love to work outside the home somedays, but this is temporary".
The bottom line is that while our kids are young, these moments are fleeting and temporary and no matter whether you work or stay home, your kids will know how much you love them and that you are trying to do the best you can for the family. It is not about you (MOM) it is about the kids and guiding and teaching and personal development as well as social development. It is about learning and growing with your kids at any age!
What do you think about the stay at home vs working mom debate? Is it time to end the debate? Which is happier the working mom or stay at home mom? And how long should you stay home and at what age does your youngest child have to be before the stay at home mom looks for work? Should there be more social programs to help stay at home moms re enter the workforce?
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Bullying Awareness Month: Is your kid being bullied?
This has been a topic that is heavily on my mind. Since my son started school, I worry about bullying a lot because I know the school playground can be a tough place. Bullying doesn't just happen in the playground, it also happens in the work place. Those same playground bullies grow up into work place bullies and the targets of bullying can either grow up into work place victims or change into work place bullies as well. It is hard to stop it without early intervention. Therefore, I try to talk to my son as much as I can about bullying without scaring him. Recently, I have suspected that he is being bullied at school. here is the situation that made me believe this:
Last week, although I tell him over and over again to NOT bring his toys to school, he brought a spider man figurine to school without my knowing. He came home and told me about it and that a kid in his class asked to take it home and give it back the next time they saw each other. Well, the boy did not bring it back and when my son asked for it, the boy said that he did not promise to bring it back. In a way, I think this is a great lesson for him that you can not trust everyone and this is the reason you don't bring toys to school. They don't even have show and tell in this school, which I think is a great idea. I always hated show and tell, even when I was a little girl. It just gave the rich kids a chance to show off what new things they got and it made the poor kids feel bad, especially if someone insulted the item or criticized. It gave kids a chance to compare themselves to each other and feel good or bad about it.
So, my son told me that this same boy gets angry easily and doesn't always want to be friends. This naturally concerned me and my son said that he is not the only one in the class, he gets mad at other kids as well.
Today, I took my daughter to get a flu shot and I went to the mall to get a coffee and buy some scarfs and mitts for my son for this coming winter (a little late) anyway, I got a call from his school asking to bring in more clothes because he had an accident in the bathroom. I rushed home, grabbed a bag with underwear, pants, shirt, socks and shoes and rushed to the school with my sleeping daughter in arms. He has not had an accident in a very very long time. I wonder if something happened today to make him feel bad or if he was feeling scared or nervous.
Another sign I have noticed is that he seems to yell a lot more and get moody. I don't know if this is typical 5 yr old behaviour, but he snaps at his sister a lot, takes away her toys, refuses to share. Sometimes, I don't know how to handle it. I yell a lot at him, when he does that as well and I need to stop!!!! I hate myself for it. His confidence is also low. He gets angry when I ask him to read with me or do a work book with me. I know he does not want to feel like I am testing him, but a boy I sit for will gladly do it. He doesn't like to try. Yesterday in swimming, it was his last day and he has to take it over again. I asked him in the car if he wanted to continue with swimming and he said that he wanted to go with just daddy alone. He doesn't want to be in a class anymore. My husband said that maybe he noticed how all the other kids got badges and he didn't. Yet, he handled it well. He is not one to go on and on about a topic once it has been addressed. He moves on pretty quickly.
Although, yesterday for bedtime, I asked him to choose a story and he said he wanted a book about bullying. So we read "Say Something" by Peggy Moss. I have read this to him since he was 3, but he never chooses this story for bedtime and yesterday was the first time.
I want him and my daughter to know, that their dad and I are always there for them and we will support them through anything. I also want them to be able to share things with us and communicate their feelings.
It brings back childhood memories. I hated school. We moved when I was in grade 2. At the new school, I was terrible bullied. It did not matter that I am a twin. My parents seemed to support my sister more than I because she was always sick and she cried a lot more than I did. We were also raised in the day when you have to TOUGH it out. Kids will be kids and it is just apart of life. I was bullied from grade 3, all the way to high school. Kids knocked over my desk and I was called out and talked to as if it were my fault. My parents never went into the school. I was hit, kicked and punched and called stupid and ugly because I was shy and I was not an attractive kid, but I am a beautiful woman. I am the story of the ugly duckling.
The point is that my parents, were bullied as well, by dad because he had a disability since I was born, since he was a child, he could not play sports. My mom, I have no idea why she was bullied but she talks about one incident and I don't think it was repetitive, as was the case with my father and myself. They did nothing. They were always there for my sister, but my personality was a lot tougher because I cried alone instead of in front of other people like my sister. So, naturally they gave her more love and attention. Recently, my sister had cancer and she had a surgery to remove it, she is good as far as we know and she is pregnant again. So, my mother has always thought that I was the strong one and they have more of a friendship until this day.
My past experiences make me worry about my kids. My experiences are not theirs. My husband does not have these experiences. As a parent all I can do is keep the dialogue going.
Last week, although I tell him over and over again to NOT bring his toys to school, he brought a spider man figurine to school without my knowing. He came home and told me about it and that a kid in his class asked to take it home and give it back the next time they saw each other. Well, the boy did not bring it back and when my son asked for it, the boy said that he did not promise to bring it back. In a way, I think this is a great lesson for him that you can not trust everyone and this is the reason you don't bring toys to school. They don't even have show and tell in this school, which I think is a great idea. I always hated show and tell, even when I was a little girl. It just gave the rich kids a chance to show off what new things they got and it made the poor kids feel bad, especially if someone insulted the item or criticized. It gave kids a chance to compare themselves to each other and feel good or bad about it.
So, my son told me that this same boy gets angry easily and doesn't always want to be friends. This naturally concerned me and my son said that he is not the only one in the class, he gets mad at other kids as well.
Today, I took my daughter to get a flu shot and I went to the mall to get a coffee and buy some scarfs and mitts for my son for this coming winter (a little late) anyway, I got a call from his school asking to bring in more clothes because he had an accident in the bathroom. I rushed home, grabbed a bag with underwear, pants, shirt, socks and shoes and rushed to the school with my sleeping daughter in arms. He has not had an accident in a very very long time. I wonder if something happened today to make him feel bad or if he was feeling scared or nervous.
Another sign I have noticed is that he seems to yell a lot more and get moody. I don't know if this is typical 5 yr old behaviour, but he snaps at his sister a lot, takes away her toys, refuses to share. Sometimes, I don't know how to handle it. I yell a lot at him, when he does that as well and I need to stop!!!! I hate myself for it. His confidence is also low. He gets angry when I ask him to read with me or do a work book with me. I know he does not want to feel like I am testing him, but a boy I sit for will gladly do it. He doesn't like to try. Yesterday in swimming, it was his last day and he has to take it over again. I asked him in the car if he wanted to continue with swimming and he said that he wanted to go with just daddy alone. He doesn't want to be in a class anymore. My husband said that maybe he noticed how all the other kids got badges and he didn't. Yet, he handled it well. He is not one to go on and on about a topic once it has been addressed. He moves on pretty quickly.
Although, yesterday for bedtime, I asked him to choose a story and he said he wanted a book about bullying. So we read "Say Something" by Peggy Moss. I have read this to him since he was 3, but he never chooses this story for bedtime and yesterday was the first time.
I want him and my daughter to know, that their dad and I are always there for them and we will support them through anything. I also want them to be able to share things with us and communicate their feelings.
It brings back childhood memories. I hated school. We moved when I was in grade 2. At the new school, I was terrible bullied. It did not matter that I am a twin. My parents seemed to support my sister more than I because she was always sick and she cried a lot more than I did. We were also raised in the day when you have to TOUGH it out. Kids will be kids and it is just apart of life. I was bullied from grade 3, all the way to high school. Kids knocked over my desk and I was called out and talked to as if it were my fault. My parents never went into the school. I was hit, kicked and punched and called stupid and ugly because I was shy and I was not an attractive kid, but I am a beautiful woman. I am the story of the ugly duckling.
The point is that my parents, were bullied as well, by dad because he had a disability since I was born, since he was a child, he could not play sports. My mom, I have no idea why she was bullied but she talks about one incident and I don't think it was repetitive, as was the case with my father and myself. They did nothing. They were always there for my sister, but my personality was a lot tougher because I cried alone instead of in front of other people like my sister. So, naturally they gave her more love and attention. Recently, my sister had cancer and she had a surgery to remove it, she is good as far as we know and she is pregnant again. So, my mother has always thought that I was the strong one and they have more of a friendship until this day.
My past experiences make me worry about my kids. My experiences are not theirs. My husband does not have these experiences. As a parent all I can do is keep the dialogue going.
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