In law troubles

Okay. So this is beginning to become a blog about the struggles I have with my husband over the in laws. I want to learn how to get over this, I toss and turn at night and the reason is that the in laws do not know how I feel and Tom has only shared a portion of it.

On Markus's 2nd birthday, we went to their house for a bbq and I invited my family. What a mistake that was!!!!! My sister who is pregnant came and the FIL did not say hello or congratulate my sister on being pregnant or buying a house. He also avoided my dad. He sat at the opposite end of the yard. My dad had to take his disabled body and chair and move it to the end of the backyard so that he could start a conversation with Mr bully man (my fil). Thanks dad, for trying for me and for your grandson. Well, my FIL talked to my brother in law about computer stuff, but he did not mention the fact that my brother in law is going to be a dad. He just used my brother in law for computer information. He also gave my sister dirty looks all day. He was an asshole. My sister came in and said hi to all of us and my mil and sil congratulated her, but after they were gone, they asked me what the name of the baby would be. I mean my sister was right there. My sil left for the entire duration of the bbq and went upstairs she is 24. She is a very immature girl. She is mature for a 10 yr old but not for a 24 yr old woman. Her parents have crippled her and made her so reliant instead of self sufficient. They try to do that with my husband as well, because he always says I don't enjoy spending time with them but I use them for stuff so we have to go over there for that stuff for the car etc. I say buy your own tools, don't use them then. I came home after my son's birthday and I cried with how rude my fil was being and how he could not see past himself for the sake of his grandson. I felt that I don't want my son to have that much contact with them because I don't want him to grow up mean. My fil once told my sister when I was pregnant that people who do not have children are selfish. Now that my sister is pregnant he can't get over his own selfishness to congratulate her. Nice!!!! I hate this family for making me cry so many times and I hate my husband for not setting boundaries earlier. My mil tried to breastfeed my son, I wanted to kill her, I gave her a look that would kill. I did not allow my son to stay there that often anymore. Now, the way his dad treated my twin sister was horrible. I can't stand him. The week after, my husband went to his parents alone, while I went with my son and dad to wings of paradise conservatory. My husband told them how I felt, but not completely on what happened with my sister. I want him to go again this week end and tell them how much it hurt me, what he said to his dad was that he did not say hi to my sister at all. I can handle that, I can't handle the dirty looks, the mocking and the not saying congratulations to a pregnant woman who will be giving my son a cousin. If he can not even think about his grand son then I don't want him around my son. To be around my son, they have to put him first and not themselves.

This week end, it has been one month since I have seen them, so I may let my husband take our son, but I am nervous and apprehensive because I want my husband to be around our son at all times and monitor their interaction with him, do not let his mother take my son into rooms privately like she so often does. His mother has been competing with me since I had him. I secretly wish that they were not around, they would move far away. Yesterday, my husband said that there are people he would wish death upon, I said that was horrible, I wish death on nobody, secretly, i wouldn't mind it on his dad. His dad is so mean.

Anyway, I have a week and a have before school starts. Orientation begins on the 2nd of Sept. I am nervous as hell. It ends on the 3rd and then school actually begins on the 7th. I can't wait for this to be done with. It is only 8 months, I tell myself. I will see my son every week end. I can't control whether my husband allows him to see the grandparents. I don't trust them so no over night visits until my son gets old enough to say so.

My friend is pregnant again with her third. I am a bit jealous but so happy for her. I want to get school done with, get a job and get pregnant again and have a child before the age of 34. That is my plan and sell the condo in the process. I want two children. I couldn't imagine my life only having one. If I was younger, I would have more because I like the big family idea but nowadays that is just an ideology. Those happy big families rarely exist these days, everyone is faced with insecurities and doubt and fear of what's to come. There is no stability anymore.

With hating my in laws, I am excited for the future and moving away from them.

Life and Times

Markus's birthday on sunday turned out well considering.....Markus played all day in the yard and never had a nap. Andra and Ulf cancelled because Connor got sick. It was just my dad, sister and Roger. Tom's dad sat at the other end of the garden and did not talk to my sister at all and did not make the first move to talk to my dad and make them feel welcome. My dad went up to him. Monica, the sister wanted Tom to take pictures of her for a website. I think she could have chosen another time to do it. She did not make an effort either. My dad said in the car that if Tom's dad is harbouring bad feelings towards Yoshe, my sister from more than a year ago, then we should feel sorry for him because he is a very sad person. I love my dad. He always had a way of making us feel better in the moment with just a few words. My dad said that he made the first move to talk to him because at the end of the day he is a happy person. A good day for him is if he gets out, gets some free and good food and gets to spend time with family, then it's a good day and how other people feel toward him does not matter at the end of the day. This is coming from a man who's wife left him, he lives in a small apartment on disability and is in constant pain. Yet, he can look at other people and always see things from their side and not talk bad about them. Tom's dad talks bad about people a lot of the time. He is a mean person.

Tom's mom Krystina tried, she spent time with us and she really tried to be there for us. It does not make me feel good that I will be leaving Markus with Tom and his sister. I hate that his sister is moving in because I don't particularly like her. I find her to be a young 24 yr old who is the most selfish person I have ever met. It is hard when you do not get a long with the family in law. It does affect the relationship with Tom. He and his family have lived an isolated life, where they preached how important family is. Yet, they can't let go of him and he can't let go of them but he is trying with me. I woke up this morning, thinking about this in my head and it goes in a circle racing round and round like a spinning wheel in my head and it drives me crazy. Tom's family was rude on sunday and I know I get along with my sister's husbands family very well. Roger, my brother in law, his family have been very good to me when I was pregnant and with Markus after he was born. My own in laws want nothing to do with my side of the family. They hurt me a lot. Now, the relationship is tainted. It makes me sick that Tom and I have gone to counselling for over a year and it is to talk about how his family is ruining our relationship because his dad and mom give unasked for advice, we see them once ever week end or second week end and his dad is a bit of a bully.

I wished my mom could have been here for Markus's second birthday. I love my son so much and to think that that family that I married into unfortunately could have an influence over him bothers me. I do have to let go a bit myself. He is my son and nothing will change that.

Another disappointment came yesterday, when the mother of the kids I sit for called and said that the kids will no longer be coming and she will pay me today. I was hoping that I could give the kids cake today and hamburgers and so something nice with them so that they can celebrate Markus's birthday as well. I would have liked the chance to say good bye. I did not even get that. They are going to their cousins today and from now on. I would have liked Markus to have been able to say good bye. I don't know if Markus thinks that they are coming today. I don't know if Markus will internalize it. I tried to explain it to him last night. I do not even know what he remembers and how far back. I think that children are like dogs in a way, they expect something, they know something is not right. They look for patterns.

I am feeling down today, but my math course starts today and my tuition fees for the first term are due as well. I would also like to call Magda and see her. I have to try not to take things personally, but I am disappointed that after Magda came back from Poland she has not made an effort to see me and she has been back for almost two weeks. It just makes me insecure to leave Markus with her now.

I will call her and see if she is able to see me today.