I keep reading blogs and articles all titled "The 7 Secrets to Happiness" or some other number that someone thinks they figured out. Although, I roll my eyes when I see yet another article with that title, but I can't help but read it because...well...I really want to know why other people have found out the secret to happiness and I haven't!
After many articles and through my life experience, I now know that there are no secrets to happiness. Some people are just genetically happy ALL the TIME and lots of people find those people annoying. Then there are some people that are trying to find a balance that works for them, but happiness is an ongoing struggle for many. So, I have created my own list of what makes me happy:
1. Goal Setting. If I write down at least three goals for the day and I manage to get them done. I am happy and feel like I have accomplished something. It could be going grocery shopping. Setting aside one to two hours to spend with my kids doing anything they want to do. Going to the Early Years Centre to get the kids out of the house for a couple hours and be around other kids. Cleaning the house from top to bottom. Being able to surf the net for an hour while my kids nap or are at school. Getting out of the house once a day, even for 15 minutes to get fresh air in the winter especially. Of course, my goals will change in the next year to work on a resume, hand out 10 a day, find daycare etc.
2. Eat Chocolate. Have chocolate in the house because chocolate produces serotonin in your brain, the chemical responsible for feelings of happiness. It also helps in between cleaning and playing with the kids.
3. Invite people over for dinner once in a while. I like reaching out to people I have not spoken to in a while and asking them to come over for dinner. We get to catch up. I feel like the connection is not lost and we still care. It is also nice to have company once in a while, especially if you are not the kind of person to have a lot of dinner dates. It gives you an excuse to clean and to eat all you want to eat without guilt and makes the other person feel good because they realize your house is not perfect, your kids are not perfect, the dinner is not perfect, so we all feel good and comforted in the end.
4. Dancing. When I am alone with my kids and my husband is gone and no one is over, I like to dance. I turn on youtube and dance to oldies and music my kids like such as gagnam style. I used to love to swing dance, so I show some moves to my kids and it is a chance for us to get some exercise and just let go. Dancing takes me away and I feel happy even if momentarily.
5. Art. I use to paint a lot before having kids. I do not have that much uninterrupted time anymore. So, I try to do an art project with the kids once in a while and include them in my desire to do some art. Although, my art work is not as good as it use to be, due to having limited time alone these days, it is fun and makes my kids and I feel good. It gives us a sense of accomplishment. It also gives my kids a chance to discover where there interests lie, make a mess and learn where their creativity takes them.
6. Volunteer. I don't volunteer anywhere right now. However, when Markus was small, I volunteered at the employment centre, where I helped adults from Jamaica learn to read and write to find meaningful employment in Canada. I loved it. It made me feel helpful, hopeful and pride. Giving to others feels good. It also gets you out of the house once in a while, away from the kids and it could lead to other opportunities that you had never thought about before.
7. Time to yourself. I don't follow this advice. But I do agree with it. It is important to have balance between work and play and kids. Even as a stay at home mom, I do feel replenished in the evenings if I get to take a bath alone as my husband watches them. I enjoy reading a chapter of a book once the kids are in bed. Or just being able to watch a movie or have a cup of tea with my husband gives me some me time and adult conversation. I crave adult conversation at times and I can go days without getting it. One of my goals should be to make time for myself at least once a week. Set a day, where for a few hours in the evening, I can be alone to read, sleep, shop, bath, anything.
My list is pretty generic and has been mentioned before in other articles, but it is a compiled list that describes what I do and hope to do and gives me a small amount of satisfaction. I do not believe there is a secret to happiness, but happiness is like having a relationship, it needs to be worked on and nurtured in order for it to grow and become a habit in daily life.
Monday, December 9, 2013
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Norwalk Virus was in this house!!!
After three days of being sick, it is cleaning day. It started on Sunday night when Markus woke up throwing up. Shortly after we changed him, his sheets and the wall, I started to feel sick. Tom actually slept on a mattress in the hallway near Markus. Markus slept in the bathroom on his old baby mattress. I slept in the other bathroom on a towel and Sonja slept in the bed. She started throwing up around 3 am. Tom was taking care of Markus was throwing up all night. I was taking care of Sonja, but I was also throwing up all night and at a certain point, I just put towels over Sonja's vomit and let her sleep on the towels until morning. It was Monday afternoon when Tom started throwing up. I was doing laundry all day on Monday, yesterday and it continues today. Tom is back at work today. But, we have no energy. I kept Markus home from school yesterday and from his karate classes. So, tonight he is going to karate. We all feel much better but our energy is low. I am glad it is over with. We got it from my nephew who brought it home from daycare. My sister told me he was fine when we went to visit him on Saturday. It spread like wildfire. First my sister got it bad. She was so dehydrated and with being pregnant, she had to stay the night in the hospital to get IV treatments. Then my family got it at the same time. Her husband now has it and so do her parents in law that have been staying with them. This is all in the course of a week. Today, is a day of tv watching for the kids, which I hate to do. I always feel like a terrible mom if I put my kids in front of the tv all day. But, I need to get cleaning done and get my energy up. I could use a vacation!
I hope everyone is healthy and stays clear of this nasty virus. It is awful. Hopefully, no one gets it over the holidays. Stay safe and healthy.
I hope everyone is healthy and stays clear of this nasty virus. It is awful. Hopefully, no one gets it over the holidays. Stay safe and healthy.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Is it OK to Not like your friends kids?
I was watching the Morning show and Liza Fromer had asked this question. I thought about it and wondered what other people thought of this topic and this could be a good discussion amongst mothers. Parenting is hard and I have noticed that many parents judge each other's parenting and sometimes it's hard not to. So, if you do not like your friends kids, do you tell them? I would never tell my friend because it is saying something against her parenting. However, my friend may know by my actions. Recently, I feel one of my friends does not like my children. She has a son and daughter the same age as mine. Every time I ask to get together, she will not answer the question but she will say, it can be just you and me that get together. If I say Markus would love to see your son, she will ignore the comment and say how about we do something just the two of us. When I have been with her, Markus has not wanted to leave her house and he put up a fuss. Her son on the other hand, listens well, but I have seen him be mean behind his mom's back, where as Markus is loud but not mean, he doesn't know if he is doing it and so nothing is secretly done behind an adult's back or he is not trying to suck up to an adult. However, it can often look bad when he throws a tantrum but later he tells me what the other kid did to cause it. It is like that move Home Alone 2 when Kevin was singing in a school choir but his brother was behind him making faces and taunting him. Finally Kevin had it and turned around and punched his brother, causing the back row to fall, people to fall off the stage and the displays to fall over, ruining the whole performance. So who should get in trouble? Kevin or his older brother?
This irritated me with my friend, because I know she doesn't care to see my children and this hurts my feelings, because I feel she has judged my children but they are just kids. Her children are no picnic either. They have very different personalities, but they are also just kids and age 5 is a pretty annoying age. They can be the sweetest kids ever and want to please and then suddenly throw the biggest tantrums over the smallest things. At age 5, we sometimes forget that they are still little because it seems that they are so smart and can do so much for themselves but the reality is emotionally, they are still babies and learning how to communicate effectively, that does not happen over night.
So, it is possible to be friends if you do not like their children. However, I think that although it is not said, it is implied. Yet, I think we should all accept that kids change and sometimes I don't even like my own kids so I don't expect others to always love them either. As adults, we shouldn't take that one tantrum that our friends kids had and hold it against them and put them in a box, saying this is the way they are. Because it is not. we can't all be in good moods. Sometimes I say the "F" word and I can't stop. But, it is not always like that, it depends how much sleep I have gotten the night before. It is the same with our kids. They can't all be well behaved all the time.
As kids get older and get more responsibilities and their peers play a huge role in shaping their personalities as well, then the parents can get together without kids. The kids will make their own friends and that is okay. I didn't always like my mom's long time friends as I got older and so I didn't have to see them.
Overall, when kids are so young, let's try not to judge, but if our kids don't like each other that is another story. So, yes a friendship can still exist independent of the kids. The aim though is try to get the kids to get along and constantly teach social interactions and how to play, listen and communicate. It's all about learning. That is how I look at it.
What are some other thoughts? Has anyone been in this situation?
This irritated me with my friend, because I know she doesn't care to see my children and this hurts my feelings, because I feel she has judged my children but they are just kids. Her children are no picnic either. They have very different personalities, but they are also just kids and age 5 is a pretty annoying age. They can be the sweetest kids ever and want to please and then suddenly throw the biggest tantrums over the smallest things. At age 5, we sometimes forget that they are still little because it seems that they are so smart and can do so much for themselves but the reality is emotionally, they are still babies and learning how to communicate effectively, that does not happen over night.
So, it is possible to be friends if you do not like their children. However, I think that although it is not said, it is implied. Yet, I think we should all accept that kids change and sometimes I don't even like my own kids so I don't expect others to always love them either. As adults, we shouldn't take that one tantrum that our friends kids had and hold it against them and put them in a box, saying this is the way they are. Because it is not. we can't all be in good moods. Sometimes I say the "F" word and I can't stop. But, it is not always like that, it depends how much sleep I have gotten the night before. It is the same with our kids. They can't all be well behaved all the time.
As kids get older and get more responsibilities and their peers play a huge role in shaping their personalities as well, then the parents can get together without kids. The kids will make their own friends and that is okay. I didn't always like my mom's long time friends as I got older and so I didn't have to see them.
Overall, when kids are so young, let's try not to judge, but if our kids don't like each other that is another story. So, yes a friendship can still exist independent of the kids. The aim though is try to get the kids to get along and constantly teach social interactions and how to play, listen and communicate. It's all about learning. That is how I look at it.
What are some other thoughts? Has anyone been in this situation?
Monday, November 25, 2013
How many Christmas gifts do you get for each kid?
With Christmas right around the corner and so many things that I want to get for my kids, I was wondering how many gifts do you get for your kids? And for what age group? Is there an appropriate number for the age group?
When I was young, my twin and I would often get gifts that would cover the entire living room floor between the two of us. It was actually a bit ridonkulous. When I think of it, not one gift rings out in my memory that I loved as a child. I remember getting a china doll with a white face and beautiful white dress but that is it. I don't even know what happened to that doll. I used to get lots of clothes...
For my kids, I do not want to overload them with gifts, where they don't appreciate them. My two year old will not notice yet, but my 5 yr old will. I want to also teach him that christmas is not just about gift getting but also about gift giving. My son, does not ask for much at all. We go to the store and I hear lots of kids beg their parents for things but my son does not. He likes to play with the toys when he is there but when I say "C'mon we are leaving!" he leaves the toys behind and just follows me. At the cash, he will ask for a kinder egg.
One year, when he was 3, we went overboard with the gifts. We celebrate Christmas eve. He opened 5 presents and then got bored and on Christmas day when we gave him the rest of the gifts, he whinned and didn't want to open them, he said he had enough! At the time, we went overboard out of guilt. I wasn't spending a lot of time with him because I was pregnant and dad was in ICU and we were moving from an apartment to a house in a different city away from our friends, but closer to family, where he was the only kid. His cousin was only 1 at the time, so did not get many gifts.
This year, he only asked for one thing and that was the xbox 360 new superheros lego marvel game that came out last week. This leaves me to wonder what other parents do, if they have a limit with how much they get their kids and nieces and nephews etc.
In our family, we have a very small one. My husbands parents go away every christmas, so we don't spend christmas with them. They leave before christmas day. So, we usually spend christmas eve with my sister and her husband and son. On Christmas day, we are invited over to my brother in laws family. We have three kids only between us and therefore, we only get gifts for the kids and not the adults.
This is why I hate christmas. There is so much pressure to give the perfect gift. I just want to give all their old toys to children who need them more and give one gift to each child and that is it. However, I think we should teach kids to have their own traditions and it doesn't matter what or how much the neighbour kids get. Am I right? Teach them that it is nice of santa to get gifts but he also wants to see use give to those that don't have as much. How do I teach my children that giving is better than getting when at the ages of 3 to7 they like to copy each other and it is all about topping one another. In elementary school, I was bullied for not having the coolest clothes like other kids. My parents couldn't afford it.
Christmas presents itself with a lot of worries, sometimes worries that shouldn't be worries at all. I say just do what feels right, while teaching giving and compassion but not just around Christmas, all year long.
When I was young, my twin and I would often get gifts that would cover the entire living room floor between the two of us. It was actually a bit ridonkulous. When I think of it, not one gift rings out in my memory that I loved as a child. I remember getting a china doll with a white face and beautiful white dress but that is it. I don't even know what happened to that doll. I used to get lots of clothes...
For my kids, I do not want to overload them with gifts, where they don't appreciate them. My two year old will not notice yet, but my 5 yr old will. I want to also teach him that christmas is not just about gift getting but also about gift giving. My son, does not ask for much at all. We go to the store and I hear lots of kids beg their parents for things but my son does not. He likes to play with the toys when he is there but when I say "C'mon we are leaving!" he leaves the toys behind and just follows me. At the cash, he will ask for a kinder egg.
One year, when he was 3, we went overboard with the gifts. We celebrate Christmas eve. He opened 5 presents and then got bored and on Christmas day when we gave him the rest of the gifts, he whinned and didn't want to open them, he said he had enough! At the time, we went overboard out of guilt. I wasn't spending a lot of time with him because I was pregnant and dad was in ICU and we were moving from an apartment to a house in a different city away from our friends, but closer to family, where he was the only kid. His cousin was only 1 at the time, so did not get many gifts.
This year, he only asked for one thing and that was the xbox 360 new superheros lego marvel game that came out last week. This leaves me to wonder what other parents do, if they have a limit with how much they get their kids and nieces and nephews etc.
In our family, we have a very small one. My husbands parents go away every christmas, so we don't spend christmas with them. They leave before christmas day. So, we usually spend christmas eve with my sister and her husband and son. On Christmas day, we are invited over to my brother in laws family. We have three kids only between us and therefore, we only get gifts for the kids and not the adults.
This is why I hate christmas. There is so much pressure to give the perfect gift. I just want to give all their old toys to children who need them more and give one gift to each child and that is it. However, I think we should teach kids to have their own traditions and it doesn't matter what or how much the neighbour kids get. Am I right? Teach them that it is nice of santa to get gifts but he also wants to see use give to those that don't have as much. How do I teach my children that giving is better than getting when at the ages of 3 to7 they like to copy each other and it is all about topping one another. In elementary school, I was bullied for not having the coolest clothes like other kids. My parents couldn't afford it.
Christmas presents itself with a lot of worries, sometimes worries that shouldn't be worries at all. I say just do what feels right, while teaching giving and compassion but not just around Christmas, all year long.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Being a stay at home mom or a working mom is NOT always a choice. Stop Judging Women!!!!!
I hate when I hear people on the news or in general say it a "choice" and we have to live with that. Lately I have been seeing articles circulate on facebook, yahoo and twitter, such as Why I regret being a stay at home mom and in response to that another angry blogger wrote Why I don't regret being a stay at home mom, this was on Huffington post. On Facebook, an article was posted: What does a stay at home mom do all day and then another article: What Not to say to a working mom followed by an article: Being a mom in Not the most important job.
Everyone is trying to just defend their position and roles in their current life. It baffles me because the grass is always greener on the other side and in this life we are all just trying to do the best we can. So, women, especially need to stop judging each other's parenting abilities, unless we see complete cruelty and need to get CAS involved, we need to lend a helping hand to others. Instead of patting ourselves on the back and thinking, thank god my child doesn't act that way etc. The truth of the matter is that sometimes it is hard not to judge, especially when we feel dissatisfied with our current roles, we need to make ourselves feel better by looking at our children's behaviour and attributing their good or bad behaviour to whether we stay home and spend enough time with them or work outside the home. Either way, parents that work outside the home or inside the home will feel guilty about something. Guess what? our kids will love us and be happy if we are happy. They will model what they see. If we smile a lot at our kids, they will smile back and they will smile outside at others as well, whether we work or not.
I wanted to comment first of all on the "choice" thing because that really bothered me. Then I want to comment on what stay at home moms do all day and then on what not to say to a working mom.
It is not a choice that I stay home with my kids. We made a decision based on what is economically best for the family unit considering my position in life before we had the kids and the circumstances that followed. It is not always a "choice" when the woman or man works a lower paying job and has to make sacrifices in order to maintain the family unit. I went on mat leave with my son 5 yrs ago. When I wanted to return to work, they would not give me my job back. I could have sued but I did not because I didn't make enough and I would lose money. It was not a job I cared for and would not want to work that company again that do not value women's rights. After my second child, my husband works all the time and we have no family support around that I would not make enough to pay for daycare for two kids. My sister is a teacher and my brother in law in the same boat works retail and shift work. He has compromised his family time for work and he has had my support that allowed him to do that. I would care for my nephew for free. In order to build someone up, someone has to be there to provide the support. A cushion for landing. I became just that. I watched my nephew, my husband could work all hours and week ends, I am there for the kids and my brother in law could work and take my sister to her doctors appointments for the basal cell carcinoma and now she is pregnant again.
There are times, when I would love to work outside the home just to feel like I was developing some skills that did not involve cleaning up messes all day and setting up activities for the kids. However, this is temporary. On the flip side, women who work, like my sister, it is not a choice. My sister has to work, her husband doesn't make enough to support a family and my sister also loves her job. Yet, some women have to work and so do their husbands to maintain a comfortable lifestyle and live within their means. For some couples, it is a choice, but they choice to live well below their means and compromise a lot to stay home, some women have disabled children and are forced to stay home and are barely surviving economically, just stretching it thin. Therefore, you make choices within your means and if one choice is a choice your not willing to do, because it's a matter of the lesser of two evils, then it is not really a choice. Woman make choices based on what can be done and what is economically best for their family.
Another point, we are failing to acknowledge is that there should be more social programs and help to get long time stay at home moms back in the workforce. A program that is costly and helps update skills, provides counselling and perhaps low cost babysitting, one on one support.
As for what do stay at home moms do all day? Well, the article came across as being very defensive and went into "let me tell you!" in your face. Then, talked about scheduling appointments, chauffering kids around, caring for sick children, laundry, cleaning, setting up activities, cooking etc. Well, I say working moms do that as well, unless they have a nanny or hired help or retired grandparents. But, let's assume working moms do that also. No days for me are the same and I also have time to wonder this very question myself. I wish someone would just give me a schedule that I can go through and check off as I complete the tasks. Some days, I am bored. After my son goes to school, I play with my daughter for a bit, try to get her outside if the weather is nice and based on how I am feeling. I made a stress ball with the kids a few days ago out of rice and balloons and they loved it. When I am not cooking, vacuuming or cleaning, which is not everyday or scheduling appointments, I have loads of time to play with my kids. There are gray days where I sit them in front of the tv and I go on the computer and we don't talk for hours. I feel completely bored and numb. Yet, when I do call a friend out of boredom and I need some higher interaction, other than what my kids provide me, that is the moment they need something and will not leave me alone.
I do get bored. I also have days that are fast paced and I can't believe where the time as gone. Two days a week, I look after someone else's child and get paid a little something. I do it so my son will have a play mate. I also try to get out of the house the two days that I get a car. My husband and I share the car, this also makes it hard for me to find a job, transportation and living in the suburbs, where buses come once every hour.
Overall, woman need to support each other and as far as what not to say to working moms, well stay at home moms also get the same comments such as "you stay home, good for you" or "you work, good for you, I couldn't do it, I would miss my kids too much, but good for you". Either way, it is condescending. We also need to stop being so sensitive. If someone else says they couldn't work outside the home, well, then they couldn't or they could just be trying to make themselves feel better. Let's show others more understanding. If someone says to me "your lucky you get to stay home, I wish I could", I will respond with, yeah I know, I would also love to work outside the home somedays, but this is temporary".
The bottom line is that while our kids are young, these moments are fleeting and temporary and no matter whether you work or stay home, your kids will know how much you love them and that you are trying to do the best you can for the family. It is not about you (MOM) it is about the kids and guiding and teaching and personal development as well as social development. It is about learning and growing with your kids at any age!
What do you think about the stay at home vs working mom debate? Is it time to end the debate? Which is happier the working mom or stay at home mom? And how long should you stay home and at what age does your youngest child have to be before the stay at home mom looks for work? Should there be more social programs to help stay at home moms re enter the workforce?
Everyone is trying to just defend their position and roles in their current life. It baffles me because the grass is always greener on the other side and in this life we are all just trying to do the best we can. So, women, especially need to stop judging each other's parenting abilities, unless we see complete cruelty and need to get CAS involved, we need to lend a helping hand to others. Instead of patting ourselves on the back and thinking, thank god my child doesn't act that way etc. The truth of the matter is that sometimes it is hard not to judge, especially when we feel dissatisfied with our current roles, we need to make ourselves feel better by looking at our children's behaviour and attributing their good or bad behaviour to whether we stay home and spend enough time with them or work outside the home. Either way, parents that work outside the home or inside the home will feel guilty about something. Guess what? our kids will love us and be happy if we are happy. They will model what they see. If we smile a lot at our kids, they will smile back and they will smile outside at others as well, whether we work or not.
I wanted to comment first of all on the "choice" thing because that really bothered me. Then I want to comment on what stay at home moms do all day and then on what not to say to a working mom.
It is not a choice that I stay home with my kids. We made a decision based on what is economically best for the family unit considering my position in life before we had the kids and the circumstances that followed. It is not always a "choice" when the woman or man works a lower paying job and has to make sacrifices in order to maintain the family unit. I went on mat leave with my son 5 yrs ago. When I wanted to return to work, they would not give me my job back. I could have sued but I did not because I didn't make enough and I would lose money. It was not a job I cared for and would not want to work that company again that do not value women's rights. After my second child, my husband works all the time and we have no family support around that I would not make enough to pay for daycare for two kids. My sister is a teacher and my brother in law in the same boat works retail and shift work. He has compromised his family time for work and he has had my support that allowed him to do that. I would care for my nephew for free. In order to build someone up, someone has to be there to provide the support. A cushion for landing. I became just that. I watched my nephew, my husband could work all hours and week ends, I am there for the kids and my brother in law could work and take my sister to her doctors appointments for the basal cell carcinoma and now she is pregnant again.
There are times, when I would love to work outside the home just to feel like I was developing some skills that did not involve cleaning up messes all day and setting up activities for the kids. However, this is temporary. On the flip side, women who work, like my sister, it is not a choice. My sister has to work, her husband doesn't make enough to support a family and my sister also loves her job. Yet, some women have to work and so do their husbands to maintain a comfortable lifestyle and live within their means. For some couples, it is a choice, but they choice to live well below their means and compromise a lot to stay home, some women have disabled children and are forced to stay home and are barely surviving economically, just stretching it thin. Therefore, you make choices within your means and if one choice is a choice your not willing to do, because it's a matter of the lesser of two evils, then it is not really a choice. Woman make choices based on what can be done and what is economically best for their family.
Another point, we are failing to acknowledge is that there should be more social programs and help to get long time stay at home moms back in the workforce. A program that is costly and helps update skills, provides counselling and perhaps low cost babysitting, one on one support.
As for what do stay at home moms do all day? Well, the article came across as being very defensive and went into "let me tell you!" in your face. Then, talked about scheduling appointments, chauffering kids around, caring for sick children, laundry, cleaning, setting up activities, cooking etc. Well, I say working moms do that as well, unless they have a nanny or hired help or retired grandparents. But, let's assume working moms do that also. No days for me are the same and I also have time to wonder this very question myself. I wish someone would just give me a schedule that I can go through and check off as I complete the tasks. Some days, I am bored. After my son goes to school, I play with my daughter for a bit, try to get her outside if the weather is nice and based on how I am feeling. I made a stress ball with the kids a few days ago out of rice and balloons and they loved it. When I am not cooking, vacuuming or cleaning, which is not everyday or scheduling appointments, I have loads of time to play with my kids. There are gray days where I sit them in front of the tv and I go on the computer and we don't talk for hours. I feel completely bored and numb. Yet, when I do call a friend out of boredom and I need some higher interaction, other than what my kids provide me, that is the moment they need something and will not leave me alone.
I do get bored. I also have days that are fast paced and I can't believe where the time as gone. Two days a week, I look after someone else's child and get paid a little something. I do it so my son will have a play mate. I also try to get out of the house the two days that I get a car. My husband and I share the car, this also makes it hard for me to find a job, transportation and living in the suburbs, where buses come once every hour.
Overall, woman need to support each other and as far as what not to say to working moms, well stay at home moms also get the same comments such as "you stay home, good for you" or "you work, good for you, I couldn't do it, I would miss my kids too much, but good for you". Either way, it is condescending. We also need to stop being so sensitive. If someone else says they couldn't work outside the home, well, then they couldn't or they could just be trying to make themselves feel better. Let's show others more understanding. If someone says to me "your lucky you get to stay home, I wish I could", I will respond with, yeah I know, I would also love to work outside the home somedays, but this is temporary".
The bottom line is that while our kids are young, these moments are fleeting and temporary and no matter whether you work or stay home, your kids will know how much you love them and that you are trying to do the best you can for the family. It is not about you (MOM) it is about the kids and guiding and teaching and personal development as well as social development. It is about learning and growing with your kids at any age!
What do you think about the stay at home vs working mom debate? Is it time to end the debate? Which is happier the working mom or stay at home mom? And how long should you stay home and at what age does your youngest child have to be before the stay at home mom looks for work? Should there be more social programs to help stay at home moms re enter the workforce?
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Bullying Awareness Month: Is your kid being bullied?
This has been a topic that is heavily on my mind. Since my son started school, I worry about bullying a lot because I know the school playground can be a tough place. Bullying doesn't just happen in the playground, it also happens in the work place. Those same playground bullies grow up into work place bullies and the targets of bullying can either grow up into work place victims or change into work place bullies as well. It is hard to stop it without early intervention. Therefore, I try to talk to my son as much as I can about bullying without scaring him. Recently, I have suspected that he is being bullied at school. here is the situation that made me believe this:
Last week, although I tell him over and over again to NOT bring his toys to school, he brought a spider man figurine to school without my knowing. He came home and told me about it and that a kid in his class asked to take it home and give it back the next time they saw each other. Well, the boy did not bring it back and when my son asked for it, the boy said that he did not promise to bring it back. In a way, I think this is a great lesson for him that you can not trust everyone and this is the reason you don't bring toys to school. They don't even have show and tell in this school, which I think is a great idea. I always hated show and tell, even when I was a little girl. It just gave the rich kids a chance to show off what new things they got and it made the poor kids feel bad, especially if someone insulted the item or criticized. It gave kids a chance to compare themselves to each other and feel good or bad about it.
So, my son told me that this same boy gets angry easily and doesn't always want to be friends. This naturally concerned me and my son said that he is not the only one in the class, he gets mad at other kids as well.
Today, I took my daughter to get a flu shot and I went to the mall to get a coffee and buy some scarfs and mitts for my son for this coming winter (a little late) anyway, I got a call from his school asking to bring in more clothes because he had an accident in the bathroom. I rushed home, grabbed a bag with underwear, pants, shirt, socks and shoes and rushed to the school with my sleeping daughter in arms. He has not had an accident in a very very long time. I wonder if something happened today to make him feel bad or if he was feeling scared or nervous.
Another sign I have noticed is that he seems to yell a lot more and get moody. I don't know if this is typical 5 yr old behaviour, but he snaps at his sister a lot, takes away her toys, refuses to share. Sometimes, I don't know how to handle it. I yell a lot at him, when he does that as well and I need to stop!!!! I hate myself for it. His confidence is also low. He gets angry when I ask him to read with me or do a work book with me. I know he does not want to feel like I am testing him, but a boy I sit for will gladly do it. He doesn't like to try. Yesterday in swimming, it was his last day and he has to take it over again. I asked him in the car if he wanted to continue with swimming and he said that he wanted to go with just daddy alone. He doesn't want to be in a class anymore. My husband said that maybe he noticed how all the other kids got badges and he didn't. Yet, he handled it well. He is not one to go on and on about a topic once it has been addressed. He moves on pretty quickly.
Although, yesterday for bedtime, I asked him to choose a story and he said he wanted a book about bullying. So we read "Say Something" by Peggy Moss. I have read this to him since he was 3, but he never chooses this story for bedtime and yesterday was the first time.
I want him and my daughter to know, that their dad and I are always there for them and we will support them through anything. I also want them to be able to share things with us and communicate their feelings.
It brings back childhood memories. I hated school. We moved when I was in grade 2. At the new school, I was terrible bullied. It did not matter that I am a twin. My parents seemed to support my sister more than I because she was always sick and she cried a lot more than I did. We were also raised in the day when you have to TOUGH it out. Kids will be kids and it is just apart of life. I was bullied from grade 3, all the way to high school. Kids knocked over my desk and I was called out and talked to as if it were my fault. My parents never went into the school. I was hit, kicked and punched and called stupid and ugly because I was shy and I was not an attractive kid, but I am a beautiful woman. I am the story of the ugly duckling.
The point is that my parents, were bullied as well, by dad because he had a disability since I was born, since he was a child, he could not play sports. My mom, I have no idea why she was bullied but she talks about one incident and I don't think it was repetitive, as was the case with my father and myself. They did nothing. They were always there for my sister, but my personality was a lot tougher because I cried alone instead of in front of other people like my sister. So, naturally they gave her more love and attention. Recently, my sister had cancer and she had a surgery to remove it, she is good as far as we know and she is pregnant again. So, my mother has always thought that I was the strong one and they have more of a friendship until this day.
My past experiences make me worry about my kids. My experiences are not theirs. My husband does not have these experiences. As a parent all I can do is keep the dialogue going.
Last week, although I tell him over and over again to NOT bring his toys to school, he brought a spider man figurine to school without my knowing. He came home and told me about it and that a kid in his class asked to take it home and give it back the next time they saw each other. Well, the boy did not bring it back and when my son asked for it, the boy said that he did not promise to bring it back. In a way, I think this is a great lesson for him that you can not trust everyone and this is the reason you don't bring toys to school. They don't even have show and tell in this school, which I think is a great idea. I always hated show and tell, even when I was a little girl. It just gave the rich kids a chance to show off what new things they got and it made the poor kids feel bad, especially if someone insulted the item or criticized. It gave kids a chance to compare themselves to each other and feel good or bad about it.
So, my son told me that this same boy gets angry easily and doesn't always want to be friends. This naturally concerned me and my son said that he is not the only one in the class, he gets mad at other kids as well.
Today, I took my daughter to get a flu shot and I went to the mall to get a coffee and buy some scarfs and mitts for my son for this coming winter (a little late) anyway, I got a call from his school asking to bring in more clothes because he had an accident in the bathroom. I rushed home, grabbed a bag with underwear, pants, shirt, socks and shoes and rushed to the school with my sleeping daughter in arms. He has not had an accident in a very very long time. I wonder if something happened today to make him feel bad or if he was feeling scared or nervous.
Another sign I have noticed is that he seems to yell a lot more and get moody. I don't know if this is typical 5 yr old behaviour, but he snaps at his sister a lot, takes away her toys, refuses to share. Sometimes, I don't know how to handle it. I yell a lot at him, when he does that as well and I need to stop!!!! I hate myself for it. His confidence is also low. He gets angry when I ask him to read with me or do a work book with me. I know he does not want to feel like I am testing him, but a boy I sit for will gladly do it. He doesn't like to try. Yesterday in swimming, it was his last day and he has to take it over again. I asked him in the car if he wanted to continue with swimming and he said that he wanted to go with just daddy alone. He doesn't want to be in a class anymore. My husband said that maybe he noticed how all the other kids got badges and he didn't. Yet, he handled it well. He is not one to go on and on about a topic once it has been addressed. He moves on pretty quickly.
Although, yesterday for bedtime, I asked him to choose a story and he said he wanted a book about bullying. So we read "Say Something" by Peggy Moss. I have read this to him since he was 3, but he never chooses this story for bedtime and yesterday was the first time.
I want him and my daughter to know, that their dad and I are always there for them and we will support them through anything. I also want them to be able to share things with us and communicate their feelings.
It brings back childhood memories. I hated school. We moved when I was in grade 2. At the new school, I was terrible bullied. It did not matter that I am a twin. My parents seemed to support my sister more than I because she was always sick and she cried a lot more than I did. We were also raised in the day when you have to TOUGH it out. Kids will be kids and it is just apart of life. I was bullied from grade 3, all the way to high school. Kids knocked over my desk and I was called out and talked to as if it were my fault. My parents never went into the school. I was hit, kicked and punched and called stupid and ugly because I was shy and I was not an attractive kid, but I am a beautiful woman. I am the story of the ugly duckling.
The point is that my parents, were bullied as well, by dad because he had a disability since I was born, since he was a child, he could not play sports. My mom, I have no idea why she was bullied but she talks about one incident and I don't think it was repetitive, as was the case with my father and myself. They did nothing. They were always there for my sister, but my personality was a lot tougher because I cried alone instead of in front of other people like my sister. So, naturally they gave her more love and attention. Recently, my sister had cancer and she had a surgery to remove it, she is good as far as we know and she is pregnant again. So, my mother has always thought that I was the strong one and they have more of a friendship until this day.
My past experiences make me worry about my kids. My experiences are not theirs. My husband does not have these experiences. As a parent all I can do is keep the dialogue going.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Missing my dad!!
It has been nearly 2 yrs since the accident. We settled in court. No amount of money can replace my father. It is such a surreal feeling. I still feel as if I am living someone else's life. The first thing I wanted to do when the lawyer told us that we settled was to call my dad and let him know the good news. But, then I remembered...I can't. When I read all the medical reports over before it went to court, tears poured down my face. I almost forgot how much my dad suffered before he finally sucame to his injuries. I felt like it was happening all over again.
The past two weeks I have been having insomnia. I have been thinking about my dad and has Sonja sleeps soundly beside me, I lay awake weeping and wishing that my dad could have met her. She was born three weeks after he died. She will never know her Grandfather. But with the settlement, Markus gets money put away that he can use for his education when he is 18 and one day I will be able to say, this is a gift from your grandfather. Sonja never met him and so she doesn't get anything. I remember the last time Markus saw Grandpa. We went to his church for a Christmas dinner and Markus got to sit on santa's lap and get candy. Markus asked Grandpa to play the piano. My dad didn't know how to play the piano and I laughed and said "Of course, to him, Grandpa can do anything!" My dad went over and played a few notes and Markus, 3 yrs old at the time was fascinated.
I lost touch with Frank. We had him over once last year for dinner to watch some old video tapes of my dads life before us. After that, I did not really hear from him anymore. Frank was my dad's best friend through out university and like our second father. he also was friends with my mother independently of my father. My mother and father did not even know each other at the time. Well, I thought that my friendship with Frank would stay strong, but it has wilted away as well. I tried calling him many many times, he either seemed to let me go quickly, he was on his way out or he implied that I can only contact him when I go to visit my father's grave next.
Life is strange, I can still hear my fathers voice clearly in my head. I have a lot of guilt. I wish I would have been nicer to him when he was alive. I wonder if he ever knew how much I did appreciate him and how much I did love him because I never said it. I miss you dad!
The past two weeks I have been having insomnia. I have been thinking about my dad and has Sonja sleeps soundly beside me, I lay awake weeping and wishing that my dad could have met her. She was born three weeks after he died. She will never know her Grandfather. But with the settlement, Markus gets money put away that he can use for his education when he is 18 and one day I will be able to say, this is a gift from your grandfather. Sonja never met him and so she doesn't get anything. I remember the last time Markus saw Grandpa. We went to his church for a Christmas dinner and Markus got to sit on santa's lap and get candy. Markus asked Grandpa to play the piano. My dad didn't know how to play the piano and I laughed and said "Of course, to him, Grandpa can do anything!" My dad went over and played a few notes and Markus, 3 yrs old at the time was fascinated.
I lost touch with Frank. We had him over once last year for dinner to watch some old video tapes of my dads life before us. After that, I did not really hear from him anymore. Frank was my dad's best friend through out university and like our second father. he also was friends with my mother independently of my father. My mother and father did not even know each other at the time. Well, I thought that my friendship with Frank would stay strong, but it has wilted away as well. I tried calling him many many times, he either seemed to let me go quickly, he was on his way out or he implied that I can only contact him when I go to visit my father's grave next.
Life is strange, I can still hear my fathers voice clearly in my head. I have a lot of guilt. I wish I would have been nicer to him when he was alive. I wonder if he ever knew how much I did appreciate him and how much I did love him because I never said it. I miss you dad!
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
One more Year
This summer has flown by. It has been a great summer. We tried to do as many things as possible and with our son being 5, it is just the right time to give him has many experiences as possible. Although, at the beginning of the summer, I got a part time job, but before it began, I had to quit. Partially because I have no one to look after my children. Also, the pay is not worth it for me to pay for daycare and there was no transportation to get there and we share one car. So, needless to say, I was disappointed. It was at Lindt Chocolate in the new outlet mall that was built in Milton, right by the highway. The store would have opened August 2nd, which was my son's 5th birthday. The work situation has been weighing on my mind a lot, maybe because I feel guilty and I fear that with my kids getting older, I need to be a good role model for them. However, I have been babysitting this summer and my son gets a play date as well. So, after much discussion with my husband, I have decided to take one more year off, but I have gotten a few more children in to babysit. I do love being at home. This summer we did quite a few activities with the children. Some of the activities are shown below:
I traced the boys on some paper. The boys then drew where their heart is, eye's, ears, mouth, hair and whatever else they wanted to add. They really enjoyed this project. This was a favourite for this age group.
Another activity was using duck tape and card board box. They cut the box anyway they wanted and we covered it in duck tape to make something useful. In this case we made a school supplies box and filled it with crayons and pencil crayons. It was a fairly simply activity. it seemed fitting that they are going into sk.
Another project, I had them do was to take a fly squatter and cut a square right in the middle and I called it a "word finder". I then made cut outs of words ending in "at" "ed" "in" etc and placed them around the house and they had to find the words that I called out. This was done in preparation for the school year.
So, needless to say, we did a few great activities and some activities, I can not find the pictures for. So, I am excited to start babysitting an infant for this following school year. While Sonja is getting into painting and drawing and feeling things and touching, so lots of activities with playdoh, it will be interesting to see where the 12 month old that I will start sitting for will be at. Sonja is 17 months and I forget some of her mile stones. It happened all so fast and I was also paying attention to Markus's schooling and getting him everything he needs.
Now, here are some pictures of the activities we did has a family this summer:
African Lions Safari.
For Markus's Birthday, instead of having a party this year, he was able to choose one friend that we would take to Legoland with us. I have never seen him so excited. The following week we went to Niagara falls, when his party would have been. I did have a party but I cancelled last minute and decided this is what we would do instead because Markus seemed more keen on this idea then a outside bbq at our place. I also felt very tired this year. So, on the day his party would have been, we went to Niagara falls and he had an amazing time. Sonja also loved it and was fascinated with the falls, although she cried on Maid of the Mist because there were too many people and she did not like getting wet.
Now, as the end of the summer is gearing down. Markus spent the last two weeks in camp. Starting August 12th, he went to soccer camp and the following week he went to Kindercamp, which he enjoyed more. He got to do a lot of dressing up and this continued when he got home. He loves dressing up and same with our daughter. In the morning's while he was gone, it gave me more time with just Sonja. Here are some pictures of the boys dressing up.
My mom made the capes for his birthday. Sonja has claimed the superman cape as her own and Markus has claimed the batman cape.
This past week end, we went camping for the first time, only for one night and it was 20 minutes away from our home. It was a lot of work for one night, so next summer when we go, it will be for a full week end, otherwise it is not worth it. The kids loved it and did not want to come home. So, we will take this has a sign that we need to plan a camping trip and it is actually a cheap travel experience. Well, you have to buy the camping gear and food etc.
As the summer is winding down, I have my kids practicing letter writing, drawing and following instructions.
This is a pretty long post, but there is so much to tell, so many pictures and I feel so lucky that I am able to spend this time with my kids. I will try to start posting more activities that I do with the kids, especially if they enjoyed them and learned something from them.
Friday, April 19, 2013
Happy 5th wedding Anniversary!
Five years ago today, Tom and I said "I do" at City Hall in Kitchener, in front of our eighteen guests. My dad was there looking proud and my twin sister was there holding up the phone, so that mom could hear the service from Germany. It was a nice sunny day, unlike today, where it is grey and raining. It is hard to believe that now, we have a nearly five year old boy and a thirteen month old daughter and I feel overwhelmingly content with this family we have created together.
We worked hard for it, admittedly so, we had a tough first year. Four months after our wedding, I gave birth to Markus, the love of my life. My mom lived in Germany and my Yoshe, my twin lived in Vancouver. She had taken a year of absence from teaching to go with her husband to Vancouver for work. I had a lot of conflict with Tom's parents and I felt all alone. It was my first year not working. Tom and I went to lots of counselling. I went to teachers college and struggled. I got pregnant shortly afterwards. My dad was hit by a van and in ICU, where he died, after we had moved to Milton to be closer to him and shortly after that, I gave birth to the most precious girl I had ever seen in my life. This time, my mom and my sister and my husband were right by my side holding my hand.
Memories...Amidst this feeling of bliss and bewilderment that we have come so far, I know this week there has been a lot of tragedy and suffering in the world. There were two bombs that went off at the Boston Marathon, shortly after 2pm. I right away called a good friend that lives there, that I knew from high school. She was covering it on the news. She sounded just as shocked as I was, but I was glad to hear her voice and see that she was at work and that her husband and daughter were okay. Three people lost their lives in the explosion, including an 8 yr old. Many people lost limbs and their lives will be forever changed. On the same day, there was also an explosion in Iraq and Syria, where many people lost their lives. The next day, there was another explosion in Waco, Texas. I have asked myself the question all week, why is there so much pain and suffering in the world?
I think that it could have been anyone and why would someone want to kill a mass of people? what kind of statement were these criminals trying to make? Obama called it "an act of terrorism". It makes me shutter with dread, I don't want to go to any large events anymore. What should have been a glorious and triumphant time for the people at the marathon turned into a day of doom and gloom, caused by someone who is a stranger. Someone who had no regard for human life and yet we are all the same.
Tonight, Tom and I and the kids will go out to dinner and just be thankful that we have each other and that we are still going strong together. I love Tom more and more every day and in moments such as these tragedies, it brings a sense of community and shows our true nature of how human we can be, families pulled together, strangers rushed to help victims and the essence of our humaness was revealed. The only real message I have is: LOVE. Be thankful for everyone in your life, even those that drive you crazy, because those are the people that challenge you the most and shape your experiences and who you are. I love my family, that is all.
We worked hard for it, admittedly so, we had a tough first year. Four months after our wedding, I gave birth to Markus, the love of my life. My mom lived in Germany and my Yoshe, my twin lived in Vancouver. She had taken a year of absence from teaching to go with her husband to Vancouver for work. I had a lot of conflict with Tom's parents and I felt all alone. It was my first year not working. Tom and I went to lots of counselling. I went to teachers college and struggled. I got pregnant shortly afterwards. My dad was hit by a van and in ICU, where he died, after we had moved to Milton to be closer to him and shortly after that, I gave birth to the most precious girl I had ever seen in my life. This time, my mom and my sister and my husband were right by my side holding my hand.
Memories...Amidst this feeling of bliss and bewilderment that we have come so far, I know this week there has been a lot of tragedy and suffering in the world. There were two bombs that went off at the Boston Marathon, shortly after 2pm. I right away called a good friend that lives there, that I knew from high school. She was covering it on the news. She sounded just as shocked as I was, but I was glad to hear her voice and see that she was at work and that her husband and daughter were okay. Three people lost their lives in the explosion, including an 8 yr old. Many people lost limbs and their lives will be forever changed. On the same day, there was also an explosion in Iraq and Syria, where many people lost their lives. The next day, there was another explosion in Waco, Texas. I have asked myself the question all week, why is there so much pain and suffering in the world?
I think that it could have been anyone and why would someone want to kill a mass of people? what kind of statement were these criminals trying to make? Obama called it "an act of terrorism". It makes me shutter with dread, I don't want to go to any large events anymore. What should have been a glorious and triumphant time for the people at the marathon turned into a day of doom and gloom, caused by someone who is a stranger. Someone who had no regard for human life and yet we are all the same.
Tonight, Tom and I and the kids will go out to dinner and just be thankful that we have each other and that we are still going strong together. I love Tom more and more every day and in moments such as these tragedies, it brings a sense of community and shows our true nature of how human we can be, families pulled together, strangers rushed to help victims and the essence of our humaness was revealed. The only real message I have is: LOVE. Be thankful for everyone in your life, even those that drive you crazy, because those are the people that challenge you the most and shape your experiences and who you are. I love my family, that is all.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Imaginitive play
Markus is a very active, creative and funny (oh so funny) kid. I look at him and think how lucky I am to have such a wonderful boy. I can't believe at times, his father and I made this boy who has a completely different personality than his dad and myself. He may have the best parts of both of us.
Markus will sometimes tell us he is pretending to be sonic, which means faster than the speed of light. Then he will run back and fourth in our long hallway. Even when we tell him to do something, he can completely tune us out and do his own thing. These qualities that I love about him, also can be difficult when trying to get him to focus on a task at hand. As a stay at home mom, I sometimes, wish that I had other moms to share stories with and get some normalcy in my life. Perhaps, someone who can relate and tell me that their son does the same thing. If anything, I think it is wonderful that Markus can go to any kid on the park and introduce himself as "batman" or "spiderman". Yet, my MIL expressed to me some embarrassment when they go to the park and she said the other kids look at him like he is weird, but the older kids are more understanding. I became very defensive because, first of all, he is a creative kid. Secondly, I look at is as being the other kids problem because they are just not that creative or they do not know how to play. Some parents have their kids so busy all the time, that they forget what unstructured play is like, if they have ever had it. Yoshe, my twin sister, an elementary school teacher can go to the park with him and if other kids find it odd, my sister starts to interact with Markus in a very elaborate voice in front of the other children. Yoshe becomes very animated and shows such charisma, that the other children start to play along and they just needed some help from an adult. Someone to say, it is okay, we are safe and we just want to play. But, with my MIL, she is not around kids a lot and does not have the same child like enthusiasm, my twin has. Admittedly so, I am jealous and wish I had the same positive character and love of life that she has. She can remain optimistic, even with having basal cell carcinoma. I will write more about that later, because it is just another worry, but I am there to support my sister in any way I can.
This post is about my 4 yr old son, the most imaginative and creative boy I know. It begs the question, what is his behavior like at school? would his teachers let me know if there were any problems in his social development? Simply put, is he making friends okay? Does he get along with others? What can I do as a parent to help?
Overall, I have no worries about him. Most of my worries are about other kids with him. Markus is such a sweet kid, great with his little sister and not a mean kid. If there is anything I can say about it, I can' emphasize enough, how he is not a mean kid. He doesn't have it in him, like some children whose behavior needs to be corrected. I have seen children not so nice, but they are just children, it could be they have older siblings or their parents speak a certain way to them. It just needs to be corrected...Oh no, I realize that re-reading this post, I sound like a am a helicopter mom that worries way too much and by all means I don't want to sound like my boy is so great in comparison to anyone else. If that is what people hear, I am making myself misunderstood. I was angry at my MIL for not understanding the play of a 4 yr old and for making me doubt a little bit if Markus is any different from other 4 yr old's. I know my son and I love him just the way he is, a friendly, charismatic and high energy kid, just like his crazy aunt Yoshe. That ain't bad. I count my blessings every day that I have two healthy and happy kids. It's crazy, how I look at Markus and think he is nothing like me when I was a child. I was shy and awkward and he is anything but shy. But, I will save that for another post.
Markus will sometimes tell us he is pretending to be sonic, which means faster than the speed of light. Then he will run back and fourth in our long hallway. Even when we tell him to do something, he can completely tune us out and do his own thing. These qualities that I love about him, also can be difficult when trying to get him to focus on a task at hand. As a stay at home mom, I sometimes, wish that I had other moms to share stories with and get some normalcy in my life. Perhaps, someone who can relate and tell me that their son does the same thing. If anything, I think it is wonderful that Markus can go to any kid on the park and introduce himself as "batman" or "spiderman". Yet, my MIL expressed to me some embarrassment when they go to the park and she said the other kids look at him like he is weird, but the older kids are more understanding. I became very defensive because, first of all, he is a creative kid. Secondly, I look at is as being the other kids problem because they are just not that creative or they do not know how to play. Some parents have their kids so busy all the time, that they forget what unstructured play is like, if they have ever had it. Yoshe, my twin sister, an elementary school teacher can go to the park with him and if other kids find it odd, my sister starts to interact with Markus in a very elaborate voice in front of the other children. Yoshe becomes very animated and shows such charisma, that the other children start to play along and they just needed some help from an adult. Someone to say, it is okay, we are safe and we just want to play. But, with my MIL, she is not around kids a lot and does not have the same child like enthusiasm, my twin has. Admittedly so, I am jealous and wish I had the same positive character and love of life that she has. She can remain optimistic, even with having basal cell carcinoma. I will write more about that later, because it is just another worry, but I am there to support my sister in any way I can.
This post is about my 4 yr old son, the most imaginative and creative boy I know. It begs the question, what is his behavior like at school? would his teachers let me know if there were any problems in his social development? Simply put, is he making friends okay? Does he get along with others? What can I do as a parent to help?
Overall, I have no worries about him. Most of my worries are about other kids with him. Markus is such a sweet kid, great with his little sister and not a mean kid. If there is anything I can say about it, I can' emphasize enough, how he is not a mean kid. He doesn't have it in him, like some children whose behavior needs to be corrected. I have seen children not so nice, but they are just children, it could be they have older siblings or their parents speak a certain way to them. It just needs to be corrected...Oh no, I realize that re-reading this post, I sound like a am a helicopter mom that worries way too much and by all means I don't want to sound like my boy is so great in comparison to anyone else. If that is what people hear, I am making myself misunderstood. I was angry at my MIL for not understanding the play of a 4 yr old and for making me doubt a little bit if Markus is any different from other 4 yr old's. I know my son and I love him just the way he is, a friendly, charismatic and high energy kid, just like his crazy aunt Yoshe. That ain't bad. I count my blessings every day that I have two healthy and happy kids. It's crazy, how I look at Markus and think he is nothing like me when I was a child. I was shy and awkward and he is anything but shy. But, I will save that for another post.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Sonja's birthday
Sonja turned one on March 1st. We celebrated it on Saturday March 2. It was a small get together with just family and that included my brother in laws parents as well. Sonja didn't know what to expect. It was a lot of attention. At one point I felt sick and dizzy, so I went upstairs and my sister and mother in law held the fort. We ate chilli in chiabatta bread and salad. I also made a hello kitty cake. Here are just a few pictures.
It's okay for kids to be bored.
Lately, I have worried about how many friends my son should have at his age. I also worry with my daughter, Sonja walking now at 12 months and paying attention to everything, that perhaps I should make some play dates for her. I have checked meet up websites for groups in the area. But, all the groups are in Oakville, Burlington and Hamilton, Toronto. I do not have a car most of the time and buses in Milton come once every hour if that and take forever to get anywhere. I guess there is not a big need for public transportation in Milton. With all my worries about friendships and my kids getting bored, I was glad to come across an article that was sent to my facebook from the MCRC, that experts say that boredom is good for kids. Out of boredom, comes creativity. Kids have to learn how to entertain themselves at times. We choose the t.v, phones, ipads, video games by default. But, if those things are not available, kids may surprise you and come up with something on their own to keep them busy. I was shocked when Markus asked me to paint yesterday. Of course, it lasted all of 5 minutes and set up was 15 minutes, but I am glad he asked. It let me know that he is able to hold a paint brush. I love art, especially acrylic on canvas. So, I have been trying to get him to do art projects since he was 12 months and he never seemed interested. Sonja, on the other hand, loves painting. I can give her a paint brush and she knows right away, it does not go in her mouth but on the paper. For her, she lasted about 10 minutes before paint started to go on the table, floors and chairs and her clothes.
I went off topic a little bit, but I started to wonder: what is this obsession parents have with keeping their kids busy all the time, through programs such as sports, music, dance, drama, camps etc? which all cost a lot of money. Some can not even afford it. I understand swimming lessons because it is a safety issue. Providing kids with a lot of opportunities to be a part of a social setting is also very important for social development and motor skills. But, why do parents feel that their child has to be ahead of everyone else? Why does one parents child need to be able to count to 100 or ride a two wheeler at the age of 4, when most 4 yr olds ride three wheelers or can only count to 20 or 30? While all of this is important for child development, I think kids need down time as well, to sit and do nothing. The article, made me feel a lot better has a parent and made me think that I worry too much. My son is getting older, he will make his own friends soon enough and we have a park right outside. The weather has been awful and so everyone has been stuck inside, but with spring coming, I am sure he will meet a lot of new kids and see many old faces from last summer again. I can't protect my son or daughter from rejection or hurt and I can only try to fight bullying, if it happens to them. I guess I worry because I project my own feelings from when I was a child. I was bullied a lot at school. I never realized how much it would all come back to me, once my kids started going to school. My bullying started, when we moved to another school in grade 3. We lived in a lower income area and kids were just not very friendly. We went to Trillium public school and it is a poorly rated school. So, my kids are not me, they have different parents, different experiences already and my kids have a lot more than I have ever had. So my husband assures me that we are doing fine and our kids are doing fine.
So, I may be a little scattered in my thoughts, but I am just writing to get everything out. The main worry for me is friendships and how many friends 4 yr olds should have and bullying, which many parents worry about once their children start school.
Already, I look at Markus and Sonja and think they are beautiful and doing fine, why am I worrying. Markus can go up to anyone and start talking and if they do not talk back, he does not take it personally, he goes on to the next kid, until eventually he will find someone that will be more than happy to play with him. Sonja started walking at 11 months and is always smiling and following her brother around and paying attention to everything. She waves and hugs and kisses and gives high fives. What more could I ask for. As a parent, I need to just go along with their growing and developing personalities and if they fall, let them know I am always here to help and stand by them no matter what. I don't think my parents worried about my sister and I as much as my generation now worry about their kids. When I was Markus's age, I was going with my sister alone to the park. I was walking to kindergarten and back, it was 5 minutes away. But, today, the world we grew up in is much different. Parents worry about child abductions. So, parents are more a step behind their kids today than when I was a kid. My husband took two buses and a subway all by himself to get to grade 1, a private school in Montreal. Today, I would not imagine letting Markus do that. Tom's parents kick themselves and can't believe they let him do that back then. So, with newer technology and the world changing, I don't think it is a safer world. With the internet, it just means another thing for parents to worry about so bullying can't happen online. So, it may not have been safer back then either but it was perceived that way because we didn't have the internet to worry about or cell phones etc.
Okay, I have rambled on about a lot of things in one post. it is enough to make anyone's head spin, so I will stop writing and just say, that it is okay to do nothing with your kids and enjoy them as they are and in the moment.
I went off topic a little bit, but I started to wonder: what is this obsession parents have with keeping their kids busy all the time, through programs such as sports, music, dance, drama, camps etc? which all cost a lot of money. Some can not even afford it. I understand swimming lessons because it is a safety issue. Providing kids with a lot of opportunities to be a part of a social setting is also very important for social development and motor skills. But, why do parents feel that their child has to be ahead of everyone else? Why does one parents child need to be able to count to 100 or ride a two wheeler at the age of 4, when most 4 yr olds ride three wheelers or can only count to 20 or 30? While all of this is important for child development, I think kids need down time as well, to sit and do nothing. The article, made me feel a lot better has a parent and made me think that I worry too much. My son is getting older, he will make his own friends soon enough and we have a park right outside. The weather has been awful and so everyone has been stuck inside, but with spring coming, I am sure he will meet a lot of new kids and see many old faces from last summer again. I can't protect my son or daughter from rejection or hurt and I can only try to fight bullying, if it happens to them. I guess I worry because I project my own feelings from when I was a child. I was bullied a lot at school. I never realized how much it would all come back to me, once my kids started going to school. My bullying started, when we moved to another school in grade 3. We lived in a lower income area and kids were just not very friendly. We went to Trillium public school and it is a poorly rated school. So, my kids are not me, they have different parents, different experiences already and my kids have a lot more than I have ever had. So my husband assures me that we are doing fine and our kids are doing fine.
So, I may be a little scattered in my thoughts, but I am just writing to get everything out. The main worry for me is friendships and how many friends 4 yr olds should have and bullying, which many parents worry about once their children start school.
Already, I look at Markus and Sonja and think they are beautiful and doing fine, why am I worrying. Markus can go up to anyone and start talking and if they do not talk back, he does not take it personally, he goes on to the next kid, until eventually he will find someone that will be more than happy to play with him. Sonja started walking at 11 months and is always smiling and following her brother around and paying attention to everything. She waves and hugs and kisses and gives high fives. What more could I ask for. As a parent, I need to just go along with their growing and developing personalities and if they fall, let them know I am always here to help and stand by them no matter what. I don't think my parents worried about my sister and I as much as my generation now worry about their kids. When I was Markus's age, I was going with my sister alone to the park. I was walking to kindergarten and back, it was 5 minutes away. But, today, the world we grew up in is much different. Parents worry about child abductions. So, parents are more a step behind their kids today than when I was a kid. My husband took two buses and a subway all by himself to get to grade 1, a private school in Montreal. Today, I would not imagine letting Markus do that. Tom's parents kick themselves and can't believe they let him do that back then. So, with newer technology and the world changing, I don't think it is a safer world. With the internet, it just means another thing for parents to worry about so bullying can't happen online. So, it may not have been safer back then either but it was perceived that way because we didn't have the internet to worry about or cell phones etc.
Okay, I have rambled on about a lot of things in one post. it is enough to make anyone's head spin, so I will stop writing and just say, that it is okay to do nothing with your kids and enjoy them as they are and in the moment.
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