Markus's 1st birthday

Markus's 2nd birthday

My son was born 2 yrs ago on August 2nd. Last year for his first birthday I had a small party for him at his Grandparents home in Cambridge. My good friends Andra and Ulf and their two kids that live in Oshawa drove all the way to Cambridge for it. I had the party a week before because of the long week end. I made a car cake and Krystina, my MIL had some of her friends there that live down the street. It was a nice party. Here are some pictures from last year.

This year, I thought we would do pretty much the same thing. Go to the grandparents and have a bbq. I will make a guitar cake this year and some scalloped potatoes. Andra and Ulf and their boys will be coming as well. I will also do something special on the 3rd of August with the kids I babysit for Markus's birthday, so they can be involved as well with making the cake etc.

Last week on Sunday, we asked my MIL for the key card back to our building because I lost mine. She cried and made a big deal out of it. I got angry and let her know it. By the end of our heated argument, I told her we appreciate her and we love her. She is a mother who is afraid to let go. I am glad we had that blow out though, I wish it was a bigger blow out but she had friends over. There was so much I wanted to say to her. In any case, before I leave to teacher's college, hopefully we will still get to have our discussion about boundary setting.

Yesterday was my last counselling session with Tom. The counsellor still recommended that we see her one more time before I leave and that we may consider individual counselling once I do leave because this year will be hard for both of us. We did well, we were both aware of the situation and our feelings about leaving and we got advice on how to handle it so that Markus still knows I am his mom and so that Markus does not feel abandoned or rejected. She suggested that on week ends, I should try to find an hour where I can have alone time with just him and myself, mother and son. I felt a lot better when we left that we will try to do the right thing.

Happy 2nd birthday to Markus. It will be fun.

Julianne Andrews.

I took the kids to a park, but it was a 20 minute walk to get there. The sun was beaming, we were all sweating, there was no shade in sight. Once we passed the metro grocery story and walked down the path way away from any city life and into solitude, we were surrounded by streams, bridges, trees, flowers and the sound of the birds chirping in our ears. On the way there, Markus sat in the stroller and Christian rode in the basket underneath. Once we got to the park, they played in the sand, down the slides, the monkey bars and I joined them. I felt like Julianne Andrews in the sound of music. I was wearing white pants that got all dirty. We ate lunch, but the seagulls were very aggressive and they were flying around our heads very close as if to chase us away. I managed to pack what I could, but the sandwiches that the boys threw on the ground I left. I couldn't believe how vile they were. Here are some pictures of the kids I babysit. This was taken in Kariya park, right outside my door.

I forgot my camera for today, which is too bad. They were really good today.

I think I may have Markus's birthday in that park, invite a select group of people with children. It will be nice. I could live like this forever, if I did not worry about our future so much and if we owned a house instead of a condo. Oh well, everyone, almost, nearly everyone in life has to work.

I am happy that I get to go to teacher's college, not everyone gets to go. I am happy I have a happy son and that I am married to a responsible man.

What more could one ask for.

This is my mom and Markus. We went to a zoo in Hannover, Germany. Markus had the time of his life. The day was not so warm, but we had a great time.

I figured we need pictures of my son, considering this was supposed to be a blog about life after motherhood, but it is becoming more of a personal blog about life in general, the worries, the fun and my personal experience of being a mom, which is the best thing that ever happened to me.

We walked around the city and ate Pizza.

We walked around the Invalides, a hotel built in 1675 by Louis the fifth and then to Notra Dame, the picture on the left.

Next stop, the Eiffel tower.

The next day we went to castle Versailles. It was extravagant. Amazing! It was such a hot day.

This Cafe reminded me of Van Gogh's painting "Starry Night". The one on the left side beside it is a picture of a wall that has the words "I love you" written in every language. Two French Artists asked tourists and people from all over the world how they say "I love you" in their language and they made art out of it.

This is on the city tour.

We ate some steak and fries.......mmmmmm delicious.

On our way to the hotel room we stopped at La Basilique du Sacre Coeur.

What kind of Mother am I?

In the midst of all the chaos of driving to London to find housing, putting my schedule together, which was tedious, long and boring, it took all day yesterday and realizing that Markus needs to stay with Tom for the first little while because it is difficult to find daycare. I wonder what kind of mother am I to leave my child and husband so I can go to teacher's college. I wish I had the answers, what do other mother's do? I do not want to be influenced by my parents in law, they would like Markus to live with them. I think Tom is capable, but he has a short temper and that worries me a great deal. On the other hand, without my involvement or that of his mother, he could form a closer bond with Markus and surprise all of us by being super dad. We have decided that for the first little while, Markus stays with Tom and if Tom ever feels overwhelmed and needs a break, he can come to stay with me for a week. By that time, I may meet other mothers and find a friend like Magda that would be willing to help me out.

I already agreed to a place that is 450/month, 5 minute walking distance to the school. However, I would have to ask the other students if it would be okay with a child there once in a while. I may back out of it now. I also found another place, 375/month, but it is a 10 min bus ride, but they do not mind a child being there from time to time, so I may just go there instead. I will perhaps see it on the week end.

I just wish I had other mother's to talk to, what do other mother's do? Spending two years with my son and then just leaving, it will be a big change for him and myself. Will he be okay? will I? will I get a job afterwards, where I can say I did this all for him and to have a more secure and stable life? so many questions, but no answers right now.

Some more pictures

Tom and I took went with Rainbow tours to Paris for 3 days and 4 nights. This was our first stop at mon matre. Tom and I never had a honeymoon because when we married I was 7 months pregnant. Therefore, while visiting my mother, we thought she could take care of Markus and we would spend time in the most romantic city in the world....Paris!!!! (imagine the French accent). It was fun and nice to spend time alone with my husband, but we found it anything but romantic. All we did was sleep in our hotel room, we were so tired, we needed to catch up. Also, spending two nights sleeping on the bus was not comfortable and tired us out. The first night, we went on a sightseeing tour and Mon matre was the center place where we all met up and drank some wine in the streets before taking a walking tour of the city.

pictures of Germany, Paris

how do I add pictures.

I am posting pictures of my trip to Germany. I am just learning how to post pictures and navigate through this page. So, pictures will come randomly.

Methods to teach children learning basics.

I have been trying to come up with new and creative ideas of things to do with the children I babysit. The girl is 7yrs old, her brother is 2 and a half, whom I have mentioned many times before and my son is almost 2. The boy tends to be very aggressive with my son. I have to constantly tell him to stop hitting and pushing and throwing things at my son. Although, I do let them work it out on their own as well because I want my son to learn that he also has to learn to stand up for himself as well. So, I bought them foam swords at the dollar store. This worked well at the beginning. Both of them were playing and play fighting with the swords, but then the boy decided it was still more fun to hit Markus and make him cry.

As for the girl Tatjana. She is very easy to get along with and very mature for her age. That comes with having a younger brother. Yesterday, I had her help me build a solar system for Markus's room. I had her look on google at what order the planets are in. I had some decor stickers, black bristol board and coloured pencils. We had great fun doing that, she wanted to show her mom, when her mom came to pick her up.

On Wednesday, I took them to Kariya Park. I wanted to take pictures with my new Nikon camera that Tom came home with on Tuesday. He said it was my early birthday pressent. My birthday is not until Sept. I will take it. In any case, I got quite a few good pictures. Tatiana loves modelling for the camera.

Today, they are playing with clay. I bought some clay at the dollar store and they love it. It is so much easier to play with than play doh. I will go back and buy some more, the kids seem to love it. I sat with them for a bit as they molded this clay. I started to think is this what teacher's college will be like?

I am excited but nervous at the same time. I want Markus to come with me so bad. My biggest fear is that my MIL will get him and take over. By the end of it, he will be confused who is mother is. He will not know to go to her or me. It could just be a stupid fear but I have reason to believe it because of how excluded I already feel and how she makes me feel. I am sure many woman have problems with MIL, this is common, but it doesn't make it any easier. Movies have been made over this topic.

In any case, I am looking for more interesting ideas to do with 2 yr olds. The 7 yr old girl is easy, the boys not so much. Everything has to be for 5 to 10 minutes before we move on to the next thing. They have a short attention span at this age. Yet, they love the interaction in any activity.

London, Ontario very Urban and rural and spread out.

I liked the apartment I saw with the 25 yr old male room mate that has a 2 yr old son. It was on the 10th floor. The building itself was very child friendly. He was also willing to give up his master bedroom and take the smaller. He was a nice looking man, with blond hair, about 6ft tall, he obviously worked out and he had a slender body. Not that looks matter because I am married. However, I believe how a person looks shows how dedicated, hard working and motivated one is, if they can look the best to their potential when meeting others for the first time. This is more than I can say for some of the places we looked at. There was this one apartment, with a 47 yr old woman and her 45 yr old partner. They both seemed very nice and friendly. However, they were smokers and they did smoke in the house, although they said they did not. She was a round woman with strawberry blond hair. She had a blue, flowered swim suit on with blue jogging shorts and her breasts sagged down. Her Partner was also a tall, about 6'4ft man, he had facial hair and curly, wild dark brown hair and he wore glasses. He was also a well rounded man. Although he carried all his weight at the bottom which seeped through his over sized gray t-shirt. Her name was Rose, she offered us a coffee, we just asked for water. It was a very hot humid day. Rose had a cat and the litter box was in the centre of the living room. That could have also made the living room smell foul. In any case, there was a sadness in her eyes, the same sadness that I see in most smokers. A vulnerability on the inside, so deep but a toughness and rough exterior on the outside. They were from Newfoundland. She seemed lonely to me and I looked through her tear filled eyes and I could sense a desperate need for companionship. Rose said she had never worked a day in her life, she had two sons. Rose asked if Tom was the real father of Markus. I thought it was strange to not assume that the man that is with a child and woman is not the father. Yet, as we saw more apartments and met more people, I began to realize how urban and rural London is. The people I met all were single parents in either relationships with other parents. Most of those people smoked and there was a toughness to their exterior that I have seen many times in my life before when I grew up in Kitchener on Mowat. We did not have a lot of money, but my dad was educated and my mom worked all her life, born and raised in Germany from well to do parents. We did not fit in with the people on Mowat but somehow we got a long. Many people were on well fare, could not afford to feed and cloth their kids, my mom used to feed many kids in the neighbourhood. As we grew, many friends began smoking and drinking. They talked tough and swore a lot but deep inside, they were kind, vulnerable, sweet and still a child.

Anyway, I saw that in London with the 23 yr old girl with a son. Erin, she told us her son was at his father's, so we could not meet him and how is father cheated on her and does drugs. The question Tom and I were thinking is why did you let him take your son for the week if he does drugs. Erin said that he is a good father and does not do drugs around her son. However, in order to be a good father, you have to be clean all around. I don't think you can have one without the other. Well, Erin seemed nice, but her apartment was a mess. It was on the hoarder borderline. I know that she still had a room mate that was coming to pick up her stuff. By time I come, if I choose to take the apartment, it would be cleaned out. I did not judge her apartment or her based on the way it looked, I would still take the apartment if it was convenient and I could clean it. However, I could tell she smoked inside. It was still a 20 minute bus ride from the school and I don't know how much studying I would get done.

I am going on Saturday again to view some bachelor apartments that are about a 35 minute walk to the school and a one bedroom that is a 5 minute walk but 4 other teacher college students live there. That would be the most convenient, but Markus would have to go with Tom and have my friend Magda watch him during the day.

Driving through London, on Sunday was hell. It started to hail around Ingersoll, I was driving, so I had to pull over on the side of the highway until the rain cleared up. I could not see anything. Other cars had the same idea in mind. When we approached London, it had never rained or hailed there. It was sunny. It was like being in another country. We went to Victoria park, where sunfest was going on. I ran into Paul, whom I used to date. Our break up was bad. We did not have the best relationship. Now, he runs a company called Nharo, he is one of the faces of fair trade and he goes from Africa to Canada to sell artisans for reasonable prizes. I talked to him for a little while and introduced him to my son. It was awkward and he did not know what to say. He said about being pregnant, at least you got to miss a few periods for a while. It came out of nowhere upon meeting Markus, so I could tell he was nervous.

I tried to facebook him and send him a message, but he has not responded yet, so I am assuming that he is not interested in any kind of communication with me. I was his worst break up because he fell in love with me and asked me to marry him and I said no. So, I am the one that broke his heart. For me, it was nice to see him. I have actually dreamed of that moment, meeting him again after all these years. Not in a romantic way, but it could be the start of a new and improved friendship. The meeting did not go the way I had imagined to be in my head.

Overall, things are coming together. We are spending a lot of money on gas to get to London and back, but I am improving on my driving abilities. I am getting a lot of support and Tom is starting to see that he needs to step up and be a father without parental involvement or me. So, it will be a new direction for both of us.