It's winter! And I hate leaving the house because I have a 5 yr old and an almost 2 yr old. Getting all their snow gear on is like trying out for the mommy olympics. They get distracted. My son might get one shoe on and then start playing with batman and making swooshing sounds. It is not until I stomp my foot and clap in his face, yelling "C'mon, Let's go, Shoes now!". After every article of clothing, he stops to play with a toy or run around the living room and I have to bring him back to focus with a clap. It takes about half an hour just to get all of their stuff on. I dread leaving the house with them in the winter!
Here is what I have decided to do for next time we have to get out the door for skating lessons or swimming lessons or for school:
1. Have them go to the washroom before getting their snowsuits on. It never fails. The minute I have on their snowsuits, one of them will yell "PEEEEEE!" Robert Munsch sure knew what he was writing about in the story "I have to go PEEE". Every mother feels as though that book was written about their life with small children.
2. I start the getting ready process half an hour before we have to be out the door. Instead of clapping and getting anxious. I wait patiently now and ask calmly "I see you one have one shoe, where is the other?"
3. I give a lot of encouragement: "Oh, good, you have your snow pants on now. Do you think you can get your jacket on as well and do you need help zipping it or can you show me how you zip your jacket?" I learned that from Sesame Street.
4. When my son or daughter put on two different shoes, not paying attention to what is going on, I have time to say "does that look right to you?" If they get caught up in the joke and can't get out of it to get ready and they do more silly stuff. I open the door and stand outside and say in a firm voice "I am waiting and it is cold".
Often times, I have to still help my 2 yr old, but she is getting it and she watches her brother. I try to make it fun, even though I am thinking I am raising monsters.
Good luck, getting out the door. Can't wait until summer.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Being an Identical twin
Recently, my twin sister decided to take time away from me and we had not spoken on the phone for a week, until today. A week is a very very very long time for us to go without talking. She is my other half. It started with an insensitive comment my husband made and he implied that she changes her mind often. Normally, such a comment would have never warranted such a dramatic and hyper sensitive response. But, in keeping an open mind, she is pregnant. Yet, all my childhood memories came flooding back of when she would scream and get louder in order to get what she wanted, came back to me. It is learned behaviour. Our mom, I felt did favour her because she was always more sick than I was and she cried more often. I learned to cover my feelings, be softer and less vocal because than I would be looked at as the "bad" twin.
The argument became about her and I, when she wanted my support in yelling at my husband. We parted on Christmas day on a bitter note. The next day, her facebook page was flooded with articles on the "twinship relationship" that she had posted. This angered me some. However, I did my own research and I found there is very little information on twins. She was so hurt that she threatened to take her son away from me and not see me for a while. I brought up issues that I was still hurt about, for example demanding that our mom spend time with her son alone, the day I cam home from the hospital with my daughter. You would think there would be a big welcome home sign and lots of family. But there was none. Dad had died three weeks before. Mom was on a short visit from Germany. She was there for the birth. But, at home, my sister skyped and refused to spend time with us and made her demands on mom. Mom left and we were alone. Me in my grief over dad and Tom to take care of the children. We ended up driving to his parents home in another city. Well, a lot of jealousies came fourth.
After many emails back and fourth, I wrote her that when she wants to call, I am here. She did call, as if nothing happened. Her voice was happy and she had just had a doctors appointment and was going with her husband to buy a mattress. I was glad to hear her voice, but also angry that this past week, I felt I was on the receiving end of her wrath and I was crying and freaking out that we may become estranged twins.
After this episode, I have decided that I am interested in how the twin relationship works for other twins and there is still little information out there. I have read a lot of personal stories from twins that I found on google that became estranged twins in adulthood. This is a scary thought and it is difficult to make that decision. I mean from birth, we shared everything, looks, toys, the womb, clothes, even boyfriends when we got older. I didn't want to be a stranger!!!!! I can't imagine my life without her, although, she is the one person that can make me see red, like I have never seen red before. I lose it!!! She is also the one person, I can't not talk to everyday and talk about personal stuff like our husbands, our children and people we love and that have wronged us (in laws). We have a lot of those stories.
As we get older, it is difficult to fight the way we did as children. We do not have our parents or a house to hold us together anymore. The relationship could falter and we could walk away. We have our separate lives now. She is married with a child and one on the way. I am married with two children. But, we are bonded together by looks, history and husbands (I was introduced to my husband through my sister. Her husband went to highschool with mine and they were good friends).
There is no pain greater and no joy greater than being a twin.
The argument became about her and I, when she wanted my support in yelling at my husband. We parted on Christmas day on a bitter note. The next day, her facebook page was flooded with articles on the "twinship relationship" that she had posted. This angered me some. However, I did my own research and I found there is very little information on twins. She was so hurt that she threatened to take her son away from me and not see me for a while. I brought up issues that I was still hurt about, for example demanding that our mom spend time with her son alone, the day I cam home from the hospital with my daughter. You would think there would be a big welcome home sign and lots of family. But there was none. Dad had died three weeks before. Mom was on a short visit from Germany. She was there for the birth. But, at home, my sister skyped and refused to spend time with us and made her demands on mom. Mom left and we were alone. Me in my grief over dad and Tom to take care of the children. We ended up driving to his parents home in another city. Well, a lot of jealousies came fourth.
After many emails back and fourth, I wrote her that when she wants to call, I am here. She did call, as if nothing happened. Her voice was happy and she had just had a doctors appointment and was going with her husband to buy a mattress. I was glad to hear her voice, but also angry that this past week, I felt I was on the receiving end of her wrath and I was crying and freaking out that we may become estranged twins.
After this episode, I have decided that I am interested in how the twin relationship works for other twins and there is still little information out there. I have read a lot of personal stories from twins that I found on google that became estranged twins in adulthood. This is a scary thought and it is difficult to make that decision. I mean from birth, we shared everything, looks, toys, the womb, clothes, even boyfriends when we got older. I didn't want to be a stranger!!!!! I can't imagine my life without her, although, she is the one person that can make me see red, like I have never seen red before. I lose it!!! She is also the one person, I can't not talk to everyday and talk about personal stuff like our husbands, our children and people we love and that have wronged us (in laws). We have a lot of those stories.
As we get older, it is difficult to fight the way we did as children. We do not have our parents or a house to hold us together anymore. The relationship could falter and we could walk away. We have our separate lives now. She is married with a child and one on the way. I am married with two children. But, we are bonded together by looks, history and husbands (I was introduced to my husband through my sister. Her husband went to highschool with mine and they were good friends).
There is no pain greater and no joy greater than being a twin.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
New Years Resolutions
Every year I make New Years Resolutions. And, every year I break them. This year, I have composed a list of resolutions and my goal is to stick to at least not breaking three of them.
1. Lose 10 Lbs. I know this is a common one. I am sure it will be number one on a lot of people's list because of all the chocolate and binging and drinking done over the holidays. But, I would feel better physically and emotionally if I lost some weight. Sometimes running after a toddler is not enough.
2. Spend less time on facebook. I post a lot of pictures of my kids. Every day I post something. Whether it is them reading on the couch, modelling a new outfit or eating snow, I post it. People don't care about my pictures. I also don't want to reveal too much on facebook. I find facebook is a way to connect people. But that connection is only on the surface. There is nothing real there. Sure it makes me feel good when a picture gets a few likes. However, I want to spend more time interacting with my kids than showing people what a great mom I am by posting all these happy photos. Meanwhile, it is not always happy in our household.
3. Stop yelling. I get frustrated very easily and my voice gets louder. I want to try to keep control of my emotions. Try to remain in control when my 5 yr old is pushing my buttons. When I am angry with my husband, walk away and come back to the conversation at a better suited time. I have to work on my anger and how I react to things. I know this also is because I am an anxious person. I will try to think before I speak.
4. Hug my kids often and listen. Really really listen...in the moment. Being completely with them. My kids are my world. My life. They are the air I breath. They make me laugh by the funny things they say and do. They make me cry when they are so amazingly sweet and tell me they love me and when they just won't listen...those moments are the moments books are made off. Every story has a problem. So does ours. It is how we handle it that makes the story so great or not so great. I think I can keep this New Years Resolution!
Finally 5. Relax and take time for myself. I often expect my husband to give me time and voluntarily take the kids so I can take a bath or what not. However, when he doesn't, I get frustrated. I think in my head I need a break, I need to calm down, I need to take a bath. Yet, I do not say this to my husband. I am thinking this while loading the dishwasher, cleaning the living rook, my kids faces, the mess from dinner on the table, sweeping the floors, getting garbage ready for garbage pick up. Meanwhile, my husband is reading with Markus or playing video games. One hour turns into two hours, and I am still doing stuff. Two hours turns into three and then I look like the bad cop because I put the breaks on daddy and me time, so that we can get them into a bath and ready for bed at a decent time. By 10pm, kids are sleeping and I never got my bath and I have to make Markus's lunch for school the next day. I am feeling frustrated with my husband. Then I am exhausted and I go to bed just to do the same things over again the next day. So...ask my husband to watch the kids. Stop thinking about cleaning and get some ME time, so that I feel nicer in an hour or two.
I hope everyone had a great Christmas and a Happy New Year. It is a chance to start fresh and hopefully build new relationships and build bridges with old ones and put bad feelings aside. I am speaking from experience, my twin sister has threatened to cut all ties with me. I am grieving and trying to prevent that from happening. That is another story. One that will wait because I am too upset to write about it and it is fresh. It makes me cry to think of a life without my twin!!!! Hopefully, we can find our way back to one another.
What are some of your New Years Resolutions?
1. Lose 10 Lbs. I know this is a common one. I am sure it will be number one on a lot of people's list because of all the chocolate and binging and drinking done over the holidays. But, I would feel better physically and emotionally if I lost some weight. Sometimes running after a toddler is not enough.
2. Spend less time on facebook. I post a lot of pictures of my kids. Every day I post something. Whether it is them reading on the couch, modelling a new outfit or eating snow, I post it. People don't care about my pictures. I also don't want to reveal too much on facebook. I find facebook is a way to connect people. But that connection is only on the surface. There is nothing real there. Sure it makes me feel good when a picture gets a few likes. However, I want to spend more time interacting with my kids than showing people what a great mom I am by posting all these happy photos. Meanwhile, it is not always happy in our household.
3. Stop yelling. I get frustrated very easily and my voice gets louder. I want to try to keep control of my emotions. Try to remain in control when my 5 yr old is pushing my buttons. When I am angry with my husband, walk away and come back to the conversation at a better suited time. I have to work on my anger and how I react to things. I know this also is because I am an anxious person. I will try to think before I speak.
4. Hug my kids often and listen. Really really listen...in the moment. Being completely with them. My kids are my world. My life. They are the air I breath. They make me laugh by the funny things they say and do. They make me cry when they are so amazingly sweet and tell me they love me and when they just won't listen...those moments are the moments books are made off. Every story has a problem. So does ours. It is how we handle it that makes the story so great or not so great. I think I can keep this New Years Resolution!
Finally 5. Relax and take time for myself. I often expect my husband to give me time and voluntarily take the kids so I can take a bath or what not. However, when he doesn't, I get frustrated. I think in my head I need a break, I need to calm down, I need to take a bath. Yet, I do not say this to my husband. I am thinking this while loading the dishwasher, cleaning the living rook, my kids faces, the mess from dinner on the table, sweeping the floors, getting garbage ready for garbage pick up. Meanwhile, my husband is reading with Markus or playing video games. One hour turns into two hours, and I am still doing stuff. Two hours turns into three and then I look like the bad cop because I put the breaks on daddy and me time, so that we can get them into a bath and ready for bed at a decent time. By 10pm, kids are sleeping and I never got my bath and I have to make Markus's lunch for school the next day. I am feeling frustrated with my husband. Then I am exhausted and I go to bed just to do the same things over again the next day. So...ask my husband to watch the kids. Stop thinking about cleaning and get some ME time, so that I feel nicer in an hour or two.
I hope everyone had a great Christmas and a Happy New Year. It is a chance to start fresh and hopefully build new relationships and build bridges with old ones and put bad feelings aside. I am speaking from experience, my twin sister has threatened to cut all ties with me. I am grieving and trying to prevent that from happening. That is another story. One that will wait because I am too upset to write about it and it is fresh. It makes me cry to think of a life without my twin!!!! Hopefully, we can find our way back to one another.
What are some of your New Years Resolutions?
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