It's winter! And I hate leaving the house because I have a 5 yr old and an almost 2 yr old. Getting all their snow gear on is like trying out for the mommy olympics. They get distracted. My son might get one shoe on and then start playing with batman and making swooshing sounds. It is not until I stomp my foot and clap in his face, yelling "C'mon, Let's go, Shoes now!". After every article of clothing, he stops to play with a toy or run around the living room and I have to bring him back to focus with a clap. It takes about half an hour just to get all of their stuff on. I dread leaving the house with them in the winter!
Here is what I have decided to do for next time we have to get out the door for skating lessons or swimming lessons or for school:
1. Have them go to the washroom before getting their snowsuits on. It never fails. The minute I have on their snowsuits, one of them will yell "PEEEEEE!" Robert Munsch sure knew what he was writing about in the story "I have to go PEEE". Every mother feels as though that book was written about their life with small children.
2. I start the getting ready process half an hour before we have to be out the door. Instead of clapping and getting anxious. I wait patiently now and ask calmly "I see you one have one shoe, where is the other?"
3. I give a lot of encouragement: "Oh, good, you have your snow pants on now. Do you think you can get your jacket on as well and do you need help zipping it or can you show me how you zip your jacket?" I learned that from Sesame Street.
4. When my son or daughter put on two different shoes, not paying attention to what is going on, I have time to say "does that look right to you?" If they get caught up in the joke and can't get out of it to get ready and they do more silly stuff. I open the door and stand outside and say in a firm voice "I am waiting and it is cold".
Often times, I have to still help my 2 yr old, but she is getting it and she watches her brother. I try to make it fun, even though I am thinking I am raising monsters.
Good luck, getting out the door. Can't wait until summer.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Being an Identical twin
Recently, my twin sister decided to take time away from me and we had not spoken on the phone for a week, until today. A week is a very very very long time for us to go without talking. She is my other half. It started with an insensitive comment my husband made and he implied that she changes her mind often. Normally, such a comment would have never warranted such a dramatic and hyper sensitive response. But, in keeping an open mind, she is pregnant. Yet, all my childhood memories came flooding back of when she would scream and get louder in order to get what she wanted, came back to me. It is learned behaviour. Our mom, I felt did favour her because she was always more sick than I was and she cried more often. I learned to cover my feelings, be softer and less vocal because than I would be looked at as the "bad" twin.
The argument became about her and I, when she wanted my support in yelling at my husband. We parted on Christmas day on a bitter note. The next day, her facebook page was flooded with articles on the "twinship relationship" that she had posted. This angered me some. However, I did my own research and I found there is very little information on twins. She was so hurt that she threatened to take her son away from me and not see me for a while. I brought up issues that I was still hurt about, for example demanding that our mom spend time with her son alone, the day I cam home from the hospital with my daughter. You would think there would be a big welcome home sign and lots of family. But there was none. Dad had died three weeks before. Mom was on a short visit from Germany. She was there for the birth. But, at home, my sister skyped and refused to spend time with us and made her demands on mom. Mom left and we were alone. Me in my grief over dad and Tom to take care of the children. We ended up driving to his parents home in another city. Well, a lot of jealousies came fourth.
After many emails back and fourth, I wrote her that when she wants to call, I am here. She did call, as if nothing happened. Her voice was happy and she had just had a doctors appointment and was going with her husband to buy a mattress. I was glad to hear her voice, but also angry that this past week, I felt I was on the receiving end of her wrath and I was crying and freaking out that we may become estranged twins.
After this episode, I have decided that I am interested in how the twin relationship works for other twins and there is still little information out there. I have read a lot of personal stories from twins that I found on google that became estranged twins in adulthood. This is a scary thought and it is difficult to make that decision. I mean from birth, we shared everything, looks, toys, the womb, clothes, even boyfriends when we got older. I didn't want to be a stranger!!!!! I can't imagine my life without her, although, she is the one person that can make me see red, like I have never seen red before. I lose it!!! She is also the one person, I can't not talk to everyday and talk about personal stuff like our husbands, our children and people we love and that have wronged us (in laws). We have a lot of those stories.
As we get older, it is difficult to fight the way we did as children. We do not have our parents or a house to hold us together anymore. The relationship could falter and we could walk away. We have our separate lives now. She is married with a child and one on the way. I am married with two children. But, we are bonded together by looks, history and husbands (I was introduced to my husband through my sister. Her husband went to highschool with mine and they were good friends).
There is no pain greater and no joy greater than being a twin.
The argument became about her and I, when she wanted my support in yelling at my husband. We parted on Christmas day on a bitter note. The next day, her facebook page was flooded with articles on the "twinship relationship" that she had posted. This angered me some. However, I did my own research and I found there is very little information on twins. She was so hurt that she threatened to take her son away from me and not see me for a while. I brought up issues that I was still hurt about, for example demanding that our mom spend time with her son alone, the day I cam home from the hospital with my daughter. You would think there would be a big welcome home sign and lots of family. But there was none. Dad had died three weeks before. Mom was on a short visit from Germany. She was there for the birth. But, at home, my sister skyped and refused to spend time with us and made her demands on mom. Mom left and we were alone. Me in my grief over dad and Tom to take care of the children. We ended up driving to his parents home in another city. Well, a lot of jealousies came fourth.
After many emails back and fourth, I wrote her that when she wants to call, I am here. She did call, as if nothing happened. Her voice was happy and she had just had a doctors appointment and was going with her husband to buy a mattress. I was glad to hear her voice, but also angry that this past week, I felt I was on the receiving end of her wrath and I was crying and freaking out that we may become estranged twins.
After this episode, I have decided that I am interested in how the twin relationship works for other twins and there is still little information out there. I have read a lot of personal stories from twins that I found on google that became estranged twins in adulthood. This is a scary thought and it is difficult to make that decision. I mean from birth, we shared everything, looks, toys, the womb, clothes, even boyfriends when we got older. I didn't want to be a stranger!!!!! I can't imagine my life without her, although, she is the one person that can make me see red, like I have never seen red before. I lose it!!! She is also the one person, I can't not talk to everyday and talk about personal stuff like our husbands, our children and people we love and that have wronged us (in laws). We have a lot of those stories.
As we get older, it is difficult to fight the way we did as children. We do not have our parents or a house to hold us together anymore. The relationship could falter and we could walk away. We have our separate lives now. She is married with a child and one on the way. I am married with two children. But, we are bonded together by looks, history and husbands (I was introduced to my husband through my sister. Her husband went to highschool with mine and they were good friends).
There is no pain greater and no joy greater than being a twin.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
New Years Resolutions
Every year I make New Years Resolutions. And, every year I break them. This year, I have composed a list of resolutions and my goal is to stick to at least not breaking three of them.
1. Lose 10 Lbs. I know this is a common one. I am sure it will be number one on a lot of people's list because of all the chocolate and binging and drinking done over the holidays. But, I would feel better physically and emotionally if I lost some weight. Sometimes running after a toddler is not enough.
2. Spend less time on facebook. I post a lot of pictures of my kids. Every day I post something. Whether it is them reading on the couch, modelling a new outfit or eating snow, I post it. People don't care about my pictures. I also don't want to reveal too much on facebook. I find facebook is a way to connect people. But that connection is only on the surface. There is nothing real there. Sure it makes me feel good when a picture gets a few likes. However, I want to spend more time interacting with my kids than showing people what a great mom I am by posting all these happy photos. Meanwhile, it is not always happy in our household.
3. Stop yelling. I get frustrated very easily and my voice gets louder. I want to try to keep control of my emotions. Try to remain in control when my 5 yr old is pushing my buttons. When I am angry with my husband, walk away and come back to the conversation at a better suited time. I have to work on my anger and how I react to things. I know this also is because I am an anxious person. I will try to think before I speak.
4. Hug my kids often and listen. Really really listen...in the moment. Being completely with them. My kids are my world. My life. They are the air I breath. They make me laugh by the funny things they say and do. They make me cry when they are so amazingly sweet and tell me they love me and when they just won't listen...those moments are the moments books are made off. Every story has a problem. So does ours. It is how we handle it that makes the story so great or not so great. I think I can keep this New Years Resolution!
Finally 5. Relax and take time for myself. I often expect my husband to give me time and voluntarily take the kids so I can take a bath or what not. However, when he doesn't, I get frustrated. I think in my head I need a break, I need to calm down, I need to take a bath. Yet, I do not say this to my husband. I am thinking this while loading the dishwasher, cleaning the living rook, my kids faces, the mess from dinner on the table, sweeping the floors, getting garbage ready for garbage pick up. Meanwhile, my husband is reading with Markus or playing video games. One hour turns into two hours, and I am still doing stuff. Two hours turns into three and then I look like the bad cop because I put the breaks on daddy and me time, so that we can get them into a bath and ready for bed at a decent time. By 10pm, kids are sleeping and I never got my bath and I have to make Markus's lunch for school the next day. I am feeling frustrated with my husband. Then I am exhausted and I go to bed just to do the same things over again the next day. So...ask my husband to watch the kids. Stop thinking about cleaning and get some ME time, so that I feel nicer in an hour or two.
I hope everyone had a great Christmas and a Happy New Year. It is a chance to start fresh and hopefully build new relationships and build bridges with old ones and put bad feelings aside. I am speaking from experience, my twin sister has threatened to cut all ties with me. I am grieving and trying to prevent that from happening. That is another story. One that will wait because I am too upset to write about it and it is fresh. It makes me cry to think of a life without my twin!!!! Hopefully, we can find our way back to one another.
What are some of your New Years Resolutions?
1. Lose 10 Lbs. I know this is a common one. I am sure it will be number one on a lot of people's list because of all the chocolate and binging and drinking done over the holidays. But, I would feel better physically and emotionally if I lost some weight. Sometimes running after a toddler is not enough.
2. Spend less time on facebook. I post a lot of pictures of my kids. Every day I post something. Whether it is them reading on the couch, modelling a new outfit or eating snow, I post it. People don't care about my pictures. I also don't want to reveal too much on facebook. I find facebook is a way to connect people. But that connection is only on the surface. There is nothing real there. Sure it makes me feel good when a picture gets a few likes. However, I want to spend more time interacting with my kids than showing people what a great mom I am by posting all these happy photos. Meanwhile, it is not always happy in our household.
3. Stop yelling. I get frustrated very easily and my voice gets louder. I want to try to keep control of my emotions. Try to remain in control when my 5 yr old is pushing my buttons. When I am angry with my husband, walk away and come back to the conversation at a better suited time. I have to work on my anger and how I react to things. I know this also is because I am an anxious person. I will try to think before I speak.
4. Hug my kids often and listen. Really really listen...in the moment. Being completely with them. My kids are my world. My life. They are the air I breath. They make me laugh by the funny things they say and do. They make me cry when they are so amazingly sweet and tell me they love me and when they just won't listen...those moments are the moments books are made off. Every story has a problem. So does ours. It is how we handle it that makes the story so great or not so great. I think I can keep this New Years Resolution!
Finally 5. Relax and take time for myself. I often expect my husband to give me time and voluntarily take the kids so I can take a bath or what not. However, when he doesn't, I get frustrated. I think in my head I need a break, I need to calm down, I need to take a bath. Yet, I do not say this to my husband. I am thinking this while loading the dishwasher, cleaning the living rook, my kids faces, the mess from dinner on the table, sweeping the floors, getting garbage ready for garbage pick up. Meanwhile, my husband is reading with Markus or playing video games. One hour turns into two hours, and I am still doing stuff. Two hours turns into three and then I look like the bad cop because I put the breaks on daddy and me time, so that we can get them into a bath and ready for bed at a decent time. By 10pm, kids are sleeping and I never got my bath and I have to make Markus's lunch for school the next day. I am feeling frustrated with my husband. Then I am exhausted and I go to bed just to do the same things over again the next day. So...ask my husband to watch the kids. Stop thinking about cleaning and get some ME time, so that I feel nicer in an hour or two.
I hope everyone had a great Christmas and a Happy New Year. It is a chance to start fresh and hopefully build new relationships and build bridges with old ones and put bad feelings aside. I am speaking from experience, my twin sister has threatened to cut all ties with me. I am grieving and trying to prevent that from happening. That is another story. One that will wait because I am too upset to write about it and it is fresh. It makes me cry to think of a life without my twin!!!! Hopefully, we can find our way back to one another.
What are some of your New Years Resolutions?
Monday, December 9, 2013
The secrets to happiness
I keep reading blogs and articles all titled "The 7 Secrets to Happiness" or some other number that someone thinks they figured out. Although, I roll my eyes when I see yet another article with that title, but I can't help but read it because...well...I really want to know why other people have found out the secret to happiness and I haven't!
After many articles and through my life experience, I now know that there are no secrets to happiness. Some people are just genetically happy ALL the TIME and lots of people find those people annoying. Then there are some people that are trying to find a balance that works for them, but happiness is an ongoing struggle for many. So, I have created my own list of what makes me happy:
1. Goal Setting. If I write down at least three goals for the day and I manage to get them done. I am happy and feel like I have accomplished something. It could be going grocery shopping. Setting aside one to two hours to spend with my kids doing anything they want to do. Going to the Early Years Centre to get the kids out of the house for a couple hours and be around other kids. Cleaning the house from top to bottom. Being able to surf the net for an hour while my kids nap or are at school. Getting out of the house once a day, even for 15 minutes to get fresh air in the winter especially. Of course, my goals will change in the next year to work on a resume, hand out 10 a day, find daycare etc.
2. Eat Chocolate. Have chocolate in the house because chocolate produces serotonin in your brain, the chemical responsible for feelings of happiness. It also helps in between cleaning and playing with the kids.
3. Invite people over for dinner once in a while. I like reaching out to people I have not spoken to in a while and asking them to come over for dinner. We get to catch up. I feel like the connection is not lost and we still care. It is also nice to have company once in a while, especially if you are not the kind of person to have a lot of dinner dates. It gives you an excuse to clean and to eat all you want to eat without guilt and makes the other person feel good because they realize your house is not perfect, your kids are not perfect, the dinner is not perfect, so we all feel good and comforted in the end.
4. Dancing. When I am alone with my kids and my husband is gone and no one is over, I like to dance. I turn on youtube and dance to oldies and music my kids like such as gagnam style. I used to love to swing dance, so I show some moves to my kids and it is a chance for us to get some exercise and just let go. Dancing takes me away and I feel happy even if momentarily.
5. Art. I use to paint a lot before having kids. I do not have that much uninterrupted time anymore. So, I try to do an art project with the kids once in a while and include them in my desire to do some art. Although, my art work is not as good as it use to be, due to having limited time alone these days, it is fun and makes my kids and I feel good. It gives us a sense of accomplishment. It also gives my kids a chance to discover where there interests lie, make a mess and learn where their creativity takes them.
6. Volunteer. I don't volunteer anywhere right now. However, when Markus was small, I volunteered at the employment centre, where I helped adults from Jamaica learn to read and write to find meaningful employment in Canada. I loved it. It made me feel helpful, hopeful and pride. Giving to others feels good. It also gets you out of the house once in a while, away from the kids and it could lead to other opportunities that you had never thought about before.
7. Time to yourself. I don't follow this advice. But I do agree with it. It is important to have balance between work and play and kids. Even as a stay at home mom, I do feel replenished in the evenings if I get to take a bath alone as my husband watches them. I enjoy reading a chapter of a book once the kids are in bed. Or just being able to watch a movie or have a cup of tea with my husband gives me some me time and adult conversation. I crave adult conversation at times and I can go days without getting it. One of my goals should be to make time for myself at least once a week. Set a day, where for a few hours in the evening, I can be alone to read, sleep, shop, bath, anything.
My list is pretty generic and has been mentioned before in other articles, but it is a compiled list that describes what I do and hope to do and gives me a small amount of satisfaction. I do not believe there is a secret to happiness, but happiness is like having a relationship, it needs to be worked on and nurtured in order for it to grow and become a habit in daily life.
After many articles and through my life experience, I now know that there are no secrets to happiness. Some people are just genetically happy ALL the TIME and lots of people find those people annoying. Then there are some people that are trying to find a balance that works for them, but happiness is an ongoing struggle for many. So, I have created my own list of what makes me happy:
1. Goal Setting. If I write down at least three goals for the day and I manage to get them done. I am happy and feel like I have accomplished something. It could be going grocery shopping. Setting aside one to two hours to spend with my kids doing anything they want to do. Going to the Early Years Centre to get the kids out of the house for a couple hours and be around other kids. Cleaning the house from top to bottom. Being able to surf the net for an hour while my kids nap or are at school. Getting out of the house once a day, even for 15 minutes to get fresh air in the winter especially. Of course, my goals will change in the next year to work on a resume, hand out 10 a day, find daycare etc.
2. Eat Chocolate. Have chocolate in the house because chocolate produces serotonin in your brain, the chemical responsible for feelings of happiness. It also helps in between cleaning and playing with the kids.
3. Invite people over for dinner once in a while. I like reaching out to people I have not spoken to in a while and asking them to come over for dinner. We get to catch up. I feel like the connection is not lost and we still care. It is also nice to have company once in a while, especially if you are not the kind of person to have a lot of dinner dates. It gives you an excuse to clean and to eat all you want to eat without guilt and makes the other person feel good because they realize your house is not perfect, your kids are not perfect, the dinner is not perfect, so we all feel good and comforted in the end.
4. Dancing. When I am alone with my kids and my husband is gone and no one is over, I like to dance. I turn on youtube and dance to oldies and music my kids like such as gagnam style. I used to love to swing dance, so I show some moves to my kids and it is a chance for us to get some exercise and just let go. Dancing takes me away and I feel happy even if momentarily.
5. Art. I use to paint a lot before having kids. I do not have that much uninterrupted time anymore. So, I try to do an art project with the kids once in a while and include them in my desire to do some art. Although, my art work is not as good as it use to be, due to having limited time alone these days, it is fun and makes my kids and I feel good. It gives us a sense of accomplishment. It also gives my kids a chance to discover where there interests lie, make a mess and learn where their creativity takes them.
6. Volunteer. I don't volunteer anywhere right now. However, when Markus was small, I volunteered at the employment centre, where I helped adults from Jamaica learn to read and write to find meaningful employment in Canada. I loved it. It made me feel helpful, hopeful and pride. Giving to others feels good. It also gets you out of the house once in a while, away from the kids and it could lead to other opportunities that you had never thought about before.
7. Time to yourself. I don't follow this advice. But I do agree with it. It is important to have balance between work and play and kids. Even as a stay at home mom, I do feel replenished in the evenings if I get to take a bath alone as my husband watches them. I enjoy reading a chapter of a book once the kids are in bed. Or just being able to watch a movie or have a cup of tea with my husband gives me some me time and adult conversation. I crave adult conversation at times and I can go days without getting it. One of my goals should be to make time for myself at least once a week. Set a day, where for a few hours in the evening, I can be alone to read, sleep, shop, bath, anything.
My list is pretty generic and has been mentioned before in other articles, but it is a compiled list that describes what I do and hope to do and gives me a small amount of satisfaction. I do not believe there is a secret to happiness, but happiness is like having a relationship, it needs to be worked on and nurtured in order for it to grow and become a habit in daily life.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Norwalk Virus was in this house!!!
After three days of being sick, it is cleaning day. It started on Sunday night when Markus woke up throwing up. Shortly after we changed him, his sheets and the wall, I started to feel sick. Tom actually slept on a mattress in the hallway near Markus. Markus slept in the bathroom on his old baby mattress. I slept in the other bathroom on a towel and Sonja slept in the bed. She started throwing up around 3 am. Tom was taking care of Markus was throwing up all night. I was taking care of Sonja, but I was also throwing up all night and at a certain point, I just put towels over Sonja's vomit and let her sleep on the towels until morning. It was Monday afternoon when Tom started throwing up. I was doing laundry all day on Monday, yesterday and it continues today. Tom is back at work today. But, we have no energy. I kept Markus home from school yesterday and from his karate classes. So, tonight he is going to karate. We all feel much better but our energy is low. I am glad it is over with. We got it from my nephew who brought it home from daycare. My sister told me he was fine when we went to visit him on Saturday. It spread like wildfire. First my sister got it bad. She was so dehydrated and with being pregnant, she had to stay the night in the hospital to get IV treatments. Then my family got it at the same time. Her husband now has it and so do her parents in law that have been staying with them. This is all in the course of a week. Today, is a day of tv watching for the kids, which I hate to do. I always feel like a terrible mom if I put my kids in front of the tv all day. But, I need to get cleaning done and get my energy up. I could use a vacation!
I hope everyone is healthy and stays clear of this nasty virus. It is awful. Hopefully, no one gets it over the holidays. Stay safe and healthy.
I hope everyone is healthy and stays clear of this nasty virus. It is awful. Hopefully, no one gets it over the holidays. Stay safe and healthy.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Is it OK to Not like your friends kids?
I was watching the Morning show and Liza Fromer had asked this question. I thought about it and wondered what other people thought of this topic and this could be a good discussion amongst mothers. Parenting is hard and I have noticed that many parents judge each other's parenting and sometimes it's hard not to. So, if you do not like your friends kids, do you tell them? I would never tell my friend because it is saying something against her parenting. However, my friend may know by my actions. Recently, I feel one of my friends does not like my children. She has a son and daughter the same age as mine. Every time I ask to get together, she will not answer the question but she will say, it can be just you and me that get together. If I say Markus would love to see your son, she will ignore the comment and say how about we do something just the two of us. When I have been with her, Markus has not wanted to leave her house and he put up a fuss. Her son on the other hand, listens well, but I have seen him be mean behind his mom's back, where as Markus is loud but not mean, he doesn't know if he is doing it and so nothing is secretly done behind an adult's back or he is not trying to suck up to an adult. However, it can often look bad when he throws a tantrum but later he tells me what the other kid did to cause it. It is like that move Home Alone 2 when Kevin was singing in a school choir but his brother was behind him making faces and taunting him. Finally Kevin had it and turned around and punched his brother, causing the back row to fall, people to fall off the stage and the displays to fall over, ruining the whole performance. So who should get in trouble? Kevin or his older brother?
This irritated me with my friend, because I know she doesn't care to see my children and this hurts my feelings, because I feel she has judged my children but they are just kids. Her children are no picnic either. They have very different personalities, but they are also just kids and age 5 is a pretty annoying age. They can be the sweetest kids ever and want to please and then suddenly throw the biggest tantrums over the smallest things. At age 5, we sometimes forget that they are still little because it seems that they are so smart and can do so much for themselves but the reality is emotionally, they are still babies and learning how to communicate effectively, that does not happen over night.
So, it is possible to be friends if you do not like their children. However, I think that although it is not said, it is implied. Yet, I think we should all accept that kids change and sometimes I don't even like my own kids so I don't expect others to always love them either. As adults, we shouldn't take that one tantrum that our friends kids had and hold it against them and put them in a box, saying this is the way they are. Because it is not. we can't all be in good moods. Sometimes I say the "F" word and I can't stop. But, it is not always like that, it depends how much sleep I have gotten the night before. It is the same with our kids. They can't all be well behaved all the time.
As kids get older and get more responsibilities and their peers play a huge role in shaping their personalities as well, then the parents can get together without kids. The kids will make their own friends and that is okay. I didn't always like my mom's long time friends as I got older and so I didn't have to see them.
Overall, when kids are so young, let's try not to judge, but if our kids don't like each other that is another story. So, yes a friendship can still exist independent of the kids. The aim though is try to get the kids to get along and constantly teach social interactions and how to play, listen and communicate. It's all about learning. That is how I look at it.
What are some other thoughts? Has anyone been in this situation?
This irritated me with my friend, because I know she doesn't care to see my children and this hurts my feelings, because I feel she has judged my children but they are just kids. Her children are no picnic either. They have very different personalities, but they are also just kids and age 5 is a pretty annoying age. They can be the sweetest kids ever and want to please and then suddenly throw the biggest tantrums over the smallest things. At age 5, we sometimes forget that they are still little because it seems that they are so smart and can do so much for themselves but the reality is emotionally, they are still babies and learning how to communicate effectively, that does not happen over night.
So, it is possible to be friends if you do not like their children. However, I think that although it is not said, it is implied. Yet, I think we should all accept that kids change and sometimes I don't even like my own kids so I don't expect others to always love them either. As adults, we shouldn't take that one tantrum that our friends kids had and hold it against them and put them in a box, saying this is the way they are. Because it is not. we can't all be in good moods. Sometimes I say the "F" word and I can't stop. But, it is not always like that, it depends how much sleep I have gotten the night before. It is the same with our kids. They can't all be well behaved all the time.
As kids get older and get more responsibilities and their peers play a huge role in shaping their personalities as well, then the parents can get together without kids. The kids will make their own friends and that is okay. I didn't always like my mom's long time friends as I got older and so I didn't have to see them.
Overall, when kids are so young, let's try not to judge, but if our kids don't like each other that is another story. So, yes a friendship can still exist independent of the kids. The aim though is try to get the kids to get along and constantly teach social interactions and how to play, listen and communicate. It's all about learning. That is how I look at it.
What are some other thoughts? Has anyone been in this situation?
Monday, November 25, 2013
How many Christmas gifts do you get for each kid?
With Christmas right around the corner and so many things that I want to get for my kids, I was wondering how many gifts do you get for your kids? And for what age group? Is there an appropriate number for the age group?
When I was young, my twin and I would often get gifts that would cover the entire living room floor between the two of us. It was actually a bit ridonkulous. When I think of it, not one gift rings out in my memory that I loved as a child. I remember getting a china doll with a white face and beautiful white dress but that is it. I don't even know what happened to that doll. I used to get lots of clothes...
For my kids, I do not want to overload them with gifts, where they don't appreciate them. My two year old will not notice yet, but my 5 yr old will. I want to also teach him that christmas is not just about gift getting but also about gift giving. My son, does not ask for much at all. We go to the store and I hear lots of kids beg their parents for things but my son does not. He likes to play with the toys when he is there but when I say "C'mon we are leaving!" he leaves the toys behind and just follows me. At the cash, he will ask for a kinder egg.
One year, when he was 3, we went overboard with the gifts. We celebrate Christmas eve. He opened 5 presents and then got bored and on Christmas day when we gave him the rest of the gifts, he whinned and didn't want to open them, he said he had enough! At the time, we went overboard out of guilt. I wasn't spending a lot of time with him because I was pregnant and dad was in ICU and we were moving from an apartment to a house in a different city away from our friends, but closer to family, where he was the only kid. His cousin was only 1 at the time, so did not get many gifts.
This year, he only asked for one thing and that was the xbox 360 new superheros lego marvel game that came out last week. This leaves me to wonder what other parents do, if they have a limit with how much they get their kids and nieces and nephews etc.
In our family, we have a very small one. My husbands parents go away every christmas, so we don't spend christmas with them. They leave before christmas day. So, we usually spend christmas eve with my sister and her husband and son. On Christmas day, we are invited over to my brother in laws family. We have three kids only between us and therefore, we only get gifts for the kids and not the adults.
This is why I hate christmas. There is so much pressure to give the perfect gift. I just want to give all their old toys to children who need them more and give one gift to each child and that is it. However, I think we should teach kids to have their own traditions and it doesn't matter what or how much the neighbour kids get. Am I right? Teach them that it is nice of santa to get gifts but he also wants to see use give to those that don't have as much. How do I teach my children that giving is better than getting when at the ages of 3 to7 they like to copy each other and it is all about topping one another. In elementary school, I was bullied for not having the coolest clothes like other kids. My parents couldn't afford it.
Christmas presents itself with a lot of worries, sometimes worries that shouldn't be worries at all. I say just do what feels right, while teaching giving and compassion but not just around Christmas, all year long.
When I was young, my twin and I would often get gifts that would cover the entire living room floor between the two of us. It was actually a bit ridonkulous. When I think of it, not one gift rings out in my memory that I loved as a child. I remember getting a china doll with a white face and beautiful white dress but that is it. I don't even know what happened to that doll. I used to get lots of clothes...
For my kids, I do not want to overload them with gifts, where they don't appreciate them. My two year old will not notice yet, but my 5 yr old will. I want to also teach him that christmas is not just about gift getting but also about gift giving. My son, does not ask for much at all. We go to the store and I hear lots of kids beg their parents for things but my son does not. He likes to play with the toys when he is there but when I say "C'mon we are leaving!" he leaves the toys behind and just follows me. At the cash, he will ask for a kinder egg.
One year, when he was 3, we went overboard with the gifts. We celebrate Christmas eve. He opened 5 presents and then got bored and on Christmas day when we gave him the rest of the gifts, he whinned and didn't want to open them, he said he had enough! At the time, we went overboard out of guilt. I wasn't spending a lot of time with him because I was pregnant and dad was in ICU and we were moving from an apartment to a house in a different city away from our friends, but closer to family, where he was the only kid. His cousin was only 1 at the time, so did not get many gifts.
This year, he only asked for one thing and that was the xbox 360 new superheros lego marvel game that came out last week. This leaves me to wonder what other parents do, if they have a limit with how much they get their kids and nieces and nephews etc.
In our family, we have a very small one. My husbands parents go away every christmas, so we don't spend christmas with them. They leave before christmas day. So, we usually spend christmas eve with my sister and her husband and son. On Christmas day, we are invited over to my brother in laws family. We have three kids only between us and therefore, we only get gifts for the kids and not the adults.
This is why I hate christmas. There is so much pressure to give the perfect gift. I just want to give all their old toys to children who need them more and give one gift to each child and that is it. However, I think we should teach kids to have their own traditions and it doesn't matter what or how much the neighbour kids get. Am I right? Teach them that it is nice of santa to get gifts but he also wants to see use give to those that don't have as much. How do I teach my children that giving is better than getting when at the ages of 3 to7 they like to copy each other and it is all about topping one another. In elementary school, I was bullied for not having the coolest clothes like other kids. My parents couldn't afford it.
Christmas presents itself with a lot of worries, sometimes worries that shouldn't be worries at all. I say just do what feels right, while teaching giving and compassion but not just around Christmas, all year long.
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