Recently, my twin sister decided to take time away from me and we had not spoken on the phone for a week, until today. A week is a very very very long time for us to go without talking. She is my other half. It started with an insensitive comment my husband made and he implied that she changes her mind often. Normally, such a comment would have never warranted such a dramatic and hyper sensitive response. But, in keeping an open mind, she is pregnant. Yet, all my childhood memories came flooding back of when she would scream and get louder in order to get what she wanted, came back to me. It is learned behaviour. Our mom, I felt did favour her because she was always more sick than I was and she cried more often. I learned to cover my feelings, be softer and less vocal because than I would be looked at as the "bad" twin.
The argument became about her and I, when she wanted my support in yelling at my husband. We parted on Christmas day on a bitter note. The next day, her facebook page was flooded with articles on the "twinship relationship" that she had posted. This angered me some. However, I did my own research and I found there is very little information on twins. She was so hurt that she threatened to take her son away from me and not see me for a while. I brought up issues that I was still hurt about, for example demanding that our mom spend time with her son alone, the day I cam home from the hospital with my daughter. You would think there would be a big welcome home sign and lots of family. But there was none. Dad had died three weeks before. Mom was on a short visit from Germany. She was there for the birth. But, at home, my sister skyped and refused to spend time with us and made her demands on mom. Mom left and we were alone. Me in my grief over dad and Tom to take care of the children. We ended up driving to his parents home in another city. Well, a lot of jealousies came fourth.
After many emails back and fourth, I wrote her that when she wants to call, I am here. She did call, as if nothing happened. Her voice was happy and she had just had a doctors appointment and was going with her husband to buy a mattress. I was glad to hear her voice, but also angry that this past week, I felt I was on the receiving end of her wrath and I was crying and freaking out that we may become estranged twins.
After this episode, I have decided that I am interested in how the twin relationship works for other twins and there is still little information out there. I have read a lot of personal stories from twins that I found on google that became estranged twins in adulthood. This is a scary thought and it is difficult to make that decision. I mean from birth, we shared everything, looks, toys, the womb, clothes, even boyfriends when we got older. I didn't want to be a stranger!!!!! I can't imagine my life without her, although, she is the one person that can make me see red, like I have never seen red before. I lose it!!! She is also the one person, I can't not talk to everyday and talk about personal stuff like our husbands, our children and people we love and that have wronged us (in laws). We have a lot of those stories.
As we get older, it is difficult to fight the way we did as children. We do not have our parents or a house to hold us together anymore. The relationship could falter and we could walk away. We have our separate lives now. She is married with a child and one on the way. I am married with two children. But, we are bonded together by looks, history and husbands (I was introduced to my husband through my sister. Her husband went to highschool with mine and they were good friends).
There is no pain greater and no joy greater than being a twin.
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