One more sleep before Germany!

It is summer weather already, hot, sunny and did I mention sweating hot!!!! Well, my mom told me to bring my spring clothes to Germany, it is cold, damp and windy, although we are hoping for a few very hot days at least once during our stay. So, I had to add more clothing to the suitcase, in which I only packed summer clothing for very warm weather. I included a pair of jeans, long sleeved top and sweater to my summer clothing pile. Now, I just have to pack Tom and Markus's clothing. I am hoping to do that by tonight and tomorrow, I will clean, that way when Tom's parents come to take us to the airport we can just leave. So, it is fries and chicken strips for dinner tonight, since I did not go shopping for the past week. We have to use up what is already in the condo.

Markus and Christian are so calm now, watching sesame street. I enjoy those moments. Immediately after Christian arrived, they ran to my bedroom to jump on the bed. His mom and I heard high pitched laughter and loud voices. His mom was telling me what she brought for his lunch, a tuna sandwich and some fruit. I was wondering if she would pay me today. I don't know if I just don't trust people, but I have a vibe that she will do anything to get out of paying. Sometimes, I let my anxiety get the best of me but usually, I get a vibe, like sniffing people out and I get a bad smell or something. Last night, when my sister and her husband were over, I was telling them how I feel that she will not pay me and I will have to ask for it. I was asking them how I should do that. I had a feeling she may want to cheap out of paying me the full amount she owes or that she will not bring the money and want to pay after I get back from Germany, which is not acceptable to me. Anyhow, as I kind of thought, I had to bring it up this morning and she said she would have to get the money from her house after her lunch break. I asked her how much she was planning on paying me today and she said $200.00. So, I was happy with that. I just have to wait for when she picks him up. I hope there are no problems as I am already feeling anxiety now about the pay.

On a brighter, less anxious note. My sister had her 11 week ultra sound. When Roger asked me what I thought of the picture, I said that it looks like a baby is in there. It looked exactly the way Markus looked when I went for my 12 week appointment. I couldn't help but think about how I told Tom not to come because we wouldn't be able to see anything. Well, I was wrong and I regret that he was not there because I felt so overwhelmed and immediately connected to this child. Instantly, I could not wait to get to know him, see what he looks like. My heart was skipping a beat and I was filled with an overwhelming sense of possibilities, happiness and at the same time sadness with the worry that something could go wrong. At that point, I would not be able to bare it, if anything did go wrong. That baby, boy or girl was mine and I loved it automatically. It was a living, breathing "to be" person. It was the "miracle of life" that I thought was a cliche to say, but now I know exactly what it meant. However, when I asked my sister, she said she felt nothing. Roger cried, but she felt nothing. I think she is more worried because it took her effort to conceive this baby, where as with me, there was no effort. Markus was not planned. She and her husband had been trying for so long, so now I think she does not want to get too close to this baby for fear that something still could go wrong. She just needs time to feel it I suppose.

I gave the boys some grapes, while watching sesame street. They took the grapes and put them on the glass table and spilled the water out of the bowl and threw the bowl on the ground. I just cleaned the water and put the grapes back in the bowl. The got excited to see me doing something, so now they are throwing shoes and saying "oh oh". I clean the shoes about 5 times a day after he threw them all out of the closet. I have to just sit back and "sigh" and let them have their fun for now.

Yesterday, while Yoshe slept, after Christian had left, which he cried a lot because getting him ready to leave was a task within itself. I am glad that he loves it here so much. In any case, I made a marble cheesecake brownie. It was delicious. We only have a few pieces left today. I also made a salmon pasta salad and Tom ate it all. I could not believe it, he loved it so much. Yoshe ate all the soup and I had to put pizza in the oven because I did not make enough food apparently, for their hungry tummies. My sister tends to make demands as well, she kept demanding things while she was here. I think her husband is very patient to put up with a woman like her.

One more sleep until Germany.............yah, nah, yah, nah. I am so indecisive on how I feel about this. Oh the anticipation.