Germany Saturday.

There are so many things to do before leaving to Germany on Saturday. We are visiting my mom and her boyfriend. We are only going for two weeks, but it is a much needed break. We decided to go before Markus turns 2 because he is free. We are going with Air Transat. It is the only airline, I ever fly. Not just because it is a chartered airline and therefore cheaper, but because, I like the aircraft, I like the seating, the size etc. Many people complain that there is not enough leg room, it is too small and uncomfortable, including my mother. When she came in late August last year, I booked her ticket from Canada, because if I left it up to her, I would have never gotten her over here. I booked her with Air Transat and she complained. I know that in 2001, Air Transat was flying from Toronto to Lisbon, when mid flight, the aircraft blew a fuel leak and ran our of fuel. The pilot had to fly the plane on gliding and they had to land in the Azores. The passengers on the plane were terrified, they had no power, they did not know if they were going to go down. In the end, the pilot managed to get everyone safely to ground and no one was injured. He was said to be a hero. Mayday made a show out of the event. Later it was discovered that when they were doing maintenance on the plane, they used a wrong valve to hold the fuel. Mid flight, the valve broke, therefore the accident was Air Transat's fault. To this day, Air Transat had to pay the highest amount any airline ever had to pay. It was over half a million dollars for the mistake they made. Am I nervous to fly? Yes, I am, especially with a toddler on my lap. Yet, I have always flown Air Transat.

So, I can mark one thing off my check list, I paid my deposit for teacher's college, so it is final, I am going. Now, I have to clean and pack. There is still time to do that and while I babysit today and tomorrow, I will not clean because it will get messy again. I have tried to explain to Markus that he will be going on a plane. I don't know if he understands. Yesterday, he kept bringing Tom shoes from the closet. The shoes matched, so he brought them in pairs to try to put on Tom's feet. He pointed at the shoes and said "shoe, shoe, shoe" in a high pitched voice. The more we clapped and cheered that he said his first real word, aside from momma and dadda, the more he said it and tried to repeat other words. Tom looked at my toes, he usually clips my toe nails for me. Don't laugh, it feels good when he does them for me. Well, Markus came to my toes and repeated "toes". He was on a role. These are some of the best moments of being a parent, watching your kids copy you and say words for the first time and clap because they see their parents doing it. It makes my heart skip with happiness, be able to witness these little milestones.

Now, I know when I write, I jump all over the place from one event to another. This is just a part of my scattered little brain trying to get everything in, so I don't forget. I write the way I think and just want to get my thoughts out. So, with that being said, I wanted to mention a moment I was not proud of yesterday. I was on the phone with my good friend Andra and I was complaining about Christian's mom. In my perception, she has a very negative demeanor and feels that the world owes her something because she has had a hard life, being an immigrant and all. First, I had agreed to babysit both her kids for 20 dollars a day, I am not a family member or friend. I am a stranger and no one else would do it for that low otherwise. I am convinced at the beginning, she did say 25 a day and once I was sucked in, then she says there was this misunderstanding. I believe this was all a part of her plan. Once you are sucked in, it is hard to get out, especially when it comes to children. However, I am glad Christian loves it here and cries when he has to leave, I do find him difficult. Yesterday, he hit Markus and I yelled at him very loudly while I was on the phone with Andra. I gave him a time out. Also, with him being potty trained, he uses Markus's potty and I have to wipe him and then clean out the potty. I would rather have him in diapers, not too mention the times, he has wet himself because he told me too late. I have to wash his underwear before his mom comes. Also, she does not always bring enough lunch for them. So, I may be making 20 dollars, but I am spending 5 or more on food, kleenex, toilet paper. When his mother picks him up, all I hear are demands and complaints. She asked if I would tutor her daughter in reading and writing. I feel like she is trying to get things for free, but her approach is all backwards. It is not in a nice, friendly, warm way, but in a people owe me kind of way because my life has been hard. An example, when I first noticed this was when I told her two weeks ago, that I was going to Germany and I was excited because my Oma will get to see him for the first time, she said "we have relatives in Uruguay that have never seen our children". She also made a comment "everyone has money but me". So, instead of saying have a good time and thank you for babysitting for so little, you are really helping me out, she makes comments that are meant to make me feel guilty. She has also tried to make me feel guilty because now she does not know who will babysit Markus while I am away. At first, I mentioned my friend Christina, who lives in 507, down the hall. She agreed to do it when I told her it was 25 dollars a day, when I told her it was less, she said no. The other day, out of desperation, she said to me, ask your friend Christina and I will pay her 25 a day. Not once did she have concern that she is not paying me that, it was like a blow in the face. I thought, you are able to pay that much but I am enabling you to take advantage of me. It makes me angry. I don't want to feel resentment towards Christian, but when he acts out, I do. In any case, I was not proud about how I complained to Andra and yelled at him, while I was on the phone etc. I sounded like a horrible person and I felt like a horrible person for feeling this way. So, I have decided that I will see how she pays me on Friday and that will determine if I continue to do this for her or not.

After my rant, I feel better and I must get ready for when Christian arrives.