Sonja's birthday

Sonja turned one on March 1st.  We celebrated it on Saturday March 2.  It was a small get together with just family and that included my brother in laws parents as well.  Sonja didn't know what to expect.  It was a lot of attention.  At one point I felt sick and dizzy, so I went upstairs and my sister and mother in law held the fort.  We ate chilli in chiabatta bread and salad.  I also made a hello kitty cake. Here are just a few pictures.

It's okay for kids to be bored.

Lately, I have worried about how many friends my son should have at his age.  I also worry with my daughter, Sonja walking now at 12 months and paying attention to everything, that perhaps I should make some play dates for her.  I have checked meet up websites for groups in the area.  But, all the groups are in Oakville, Burlington and Hamilton, Toronto.  I do not have a car most of the time and buses in Milton come once every hour if that and take forever to get anywhere.  I guess there is not a big need for public transportation in Milton.  With all my worries about friendships and my kids getting bored, I was glad to come across an article that was sent to my facebook from the MCRC, that experts say that boredom is good for kids.  Out of boredom, comes creativity.  Kids have to learn how to entertain themselves at times.  We choose the t.v, phones, ipads, video games by default.  But, if those things are not available, kids may surprise you and come up with something on their own to keep them busy.  I was shocked when Markus asked me to paint yesterday.  Of course, it lasted all of 5 minutes and set up was 15 minutes, but I am glad he asked.  It let me know that he is able to hold a paint brush. I love art, especially acrylic on canvas.  So, I have been trying to get him to do art projects since he was 12 months and he never seemed interested.  Sonja, on the other hand, loves painting.  I can give her a paint brush and she knows right away, it does not go in her mouth but on the paper.  For her, she lasted about 10 minutes before paint started to go on the table, floors and chairs and her clothes.
I went off topic a little bit, but I started to wonder: what is this obsession parents have with keeping their kids busy all the time, through programs such as sports, music, dance, drama, camps etc? which all cost a lot of money.  Some can not even afford it.  I understand swimming lessons because it is a safety issue.  Providing kids with a lot of opportunities to be a part of a social setting is also very important for social development and motor skills.  But, why do parents feel that their child has to be ahead of everyone else?  Why does one parents child need to be able to count to 100 or ride a two wheeler at the age of 4, when most 4 yr olds ride three wheelers or can only count to 20 or 30? While all of this is important for child development, I think kids need down time as well, to sit and do nothing.  The article, made me feel a lot better has a parent and made me think that I worry too much.  My son is getting older, he will make his own friends soon enough and we have a park right outside.  The weather has been awful and so everyone has been stuck inside, but with spring coming, I am sure he will meet a lot of new kids and see many old faces from last summer again.  I can't protect my son or daughter from rejection or hurt and I can only try to fight bullying, if it happens to them.  I guess I worry because I project my own feelings from when I was a child.  I was bullied a lot at school.  I never realized how much it would all come back to me, once my kids started going to school.  My bullying started, when we moved to another school in grade 3.  We lived in a lower income area and kids were just not very friendly.  We went to Trillium public school and it is a poorly rated school.  So, my kids are not me, they have different parents, different experiences already and my kids have a lot more than I have ever had.  So my husband assures me that we are doing fine and our kids are doing fine.
So, I may be a little scattered in my thoughts, but I am just writing to get everything out.  The main worry for me is friendships and how many friends 4 yr olds should have and bullying, which many parents worry about once their children start school.
Already, I look at Markus and Sonja and think they are beautiful and doing fine, why am I worrying.  Markus can go up to anyone and start talking and if they do not talk back, he does not take it personally, he goes on to the next kid, until eventually he will find someone that will be more than happy to play with him.  Sonja started walking at 11 months and is always smiling and following her brother around and paying attention to everything.  She waves and hugs and kisses and gives high fives.  What more could I ask for.  As a parent, I need to just go along with their growing and developing personalities and if they fall, let them know I am always here to help and stand by them no matter what.  I don't think my parents worried about my sister and I as much as my generation now worry about their kids.  When I was Markus's age, I was going with my sister alone to the park.  I was walking to kindergarten and back, it was 5 minutes away.  But, today, the world we grew up in is much different.  Parents worry about child abductions.  So, parents are more a step behind their kids today than when I was a kid.  My husband took two buses and a subway all by himself to get to grade 1, a private school in Montreal.  Today, I would not imagine letting Markus do that.  Tom's parents kick themselves and can't believe they let him do that back then.  So, with newer technology and the world changing, I don't think it is a safer world.  With the internet, it just means another thing for parents to worry about so bullying can't happen online.  So, it may not have been safer back then either but it was perceived that way because we didn't have the internet to worry about or cell phones etc.
Okay, I have rambled on about a lot of things in one post.  it is enough to make anyone's head spin, so I will stop writing and just say, that it is okay to do nothing with your kids and enjoy them as they are and in the moment.

My son is 4

My son turns 4 on August 2nd.  We celebrated his birthday on Saturday.  My friend gave us a pool for the backyard, we bought a picnic table and had a small bbq.  There were 10 kids, people came, including my husbands parents.  They ate, drank, swam and had a great time.  It ended up being more of a large play date for Markus.  I had a few activities planned, but their attention spans are still to short.    My sister put spiderman tattooes on them and played basketball with them and went in the pool with them.  They all had a nice time.  Markus chose his spiderman cake.  We sang happy birthday inside to him.  People came from 2 and left around 8pm.  I was happy it was over.  I was glad Markus had a great time.  Sonja also had a great time being held by all these new faces.

I can't believe my son is 4.  Only four years ago, he was born.  I already started to think about what I will do for Sonja's birthday.  I think for her, it will be just family for the first two years and like Markus, her first party will be a age 3.  My in laws were great and they also had a great time.

The next day, we had another bbq with Tom's friends from work.  They also got Markus a gift.  One of his friends has a two yr old son and so they played together for a bit.  His friend also is trying to be a photographer and took pictures of us, which his wife posted on facebook.  They were very nice photos.  So, although we stayed home the entire week end, it was a busy one.  A lot of cleaning, cooking, preparation and cleaning again.  I love these kind of week ends and love when my kids have a great time.

The summer is almost over.  On Saturday night, my sister stayed late, we had a bit of a cry fest in remembering dad.  I wish he could have seen Markus's fourth birthday.  That is life.

Now, I have to prepare for Markus starting kindergarten and next step looking for daycare for Sonja and looking for a job.

Grieving

December 5th, 2011, at 7pm, my dad was crossing the street on a motorized scooter at the corner of River and Ottawa in Kitchener Ontario. He was almost half way across the street when he was struck by a speeding van and he was flung from his scooter. The weather was bad, it was the first snow fall of the year. My dad had broken ribs and one rib punctured his lung. He was put on a respirator and put into induced coma right away so he would not feel pain. He died on January 31'st, after we were given hope that he would make it but would be paralyzed for life. Feb 6th was the funeral. Feb 17th, my mom came from Germany to help us out with cleaning dad's apartment, life insurance and his banking information as she is the power of attorney, although they have been separated since 2001, they remained friends. On March 1st, my daughter Sonja was born and I wish could have stuck around long enough to meet her. Those dates run through my head constantly, like a round-a-bout. Nothing I do, can take away this painful feeling and deep sense of loss, almost in a denial, I wish I could rewind that tragic night so this would not have happened. I keep playing "what if's...." in my mind. What if I would have called him like I had planned so that I could have delayed him by a few minutes from going out at that time. What if, I had of answered his call when he called me.

My son asked "mommy, why are you crying?". I told him "remember how I said Grandpa was sick? Well, he died. Remember, in the Lion King when Simba lost his daddy? Well, I lost mine. He was hit by a car and died". Markus looked at daddy and said "is daddy sorry?" his dad smiled and defensively said "I didn't do it!" We all laughed. But, a few times, Markus has asked where Grandpa is. It makes me tear up every time. My dad would have been happy to see that he will be missed and is loved. I just wish he could have met Sonja. I know he would have fallen in love with her.

My husband has been very supportive during the time it was going on with all the driving to and from Kitchener, taking time off work, talking to people over the phone when I couldn't. But now, nearly 2 months have passed and he doesn't know what to do, I think he wants me to live in the now and move forward. It is hard for me to do, when I so desperately want to go back to that night. The guilt is killing me and I hate myself for not calling him that night, for not telling him things I should have told him, such as how much I loved him and how much I owe my good childhood to him as a father. How much I know he loved us as well. He never complained about his situation or circumstance, although he had bad arthritis and was in constant pain.

I wish my children could have known him. I am being distracted again by my son. So, I will wrap it up and say that I miss him and I loved him.

Waiting for a full recovery.

Taking for granted every moment, every breath

Never seemed so real

The uncertainty kicks in

Dad, I need you more now then I ever thought so.

Waiting in the ICU, minutes go by slow

Time stands still

Wondering how this could be so

Angry that mistakes were made and now

you are fighting to breath on your own

Cursing and swearing at the driver who hit you by not going slow

How wrong can this be,

but I look forward to when you are awake

When you can respond to me

Wanting and waiting for you to see your grandson's grow

Your grand daughter to be born.

We need you more than you'll ever know

Things I take for granted and never imagined it so

Our bodies are machines, some need fixing and others

go on their merry way.

Breathing so easy for me

Yet seeing the difficulty you have at simple things

is such an ordeal, I never wanted you to face.

Dads are supposed to be strong, now I know how strong you are

You should have been dead

But dad, you are a fighter and I never saw it so

I love you more than I even thought so

Your willingness to smile, to love and to fight for a life

you had before.

Though dad, your life has been altered and never be the same

Somehow, you will make it through with what you have

And do the best that you know to do.

Tears have come and gone and we will continue to stay strong.

Love is endless and somehow heals the soul

Your mind is so valuable, though your body seems to fall away.

We will fight and walk by your side.

We will find our way through after this tragic accident and make do.

On the House Front

Okay so we decided not to buy the house in Oakville. Tom wants to try to sell this condo first. We are worried that we may be stuck if we bought first and then Tom would have to take another mortgage out. We don't have the money for that. Selling and buying is a risky business in real estate. So far, we have had 6 showings in this condo. We have another two tonight. I am hoping someone is interested and relatively quickly. I don't want to have my baby in this condo.

To my dismay, we discovered after returning home on Friday night from being out because of a showing that the ants are back. We just home that potential condo buyers will not see that and will not be discouraged. I also hope if someone does buy that they will not read the fine print in the contract because it states there is an ant problem in the building. Tom did not read the fine print when he bought this condo.

I just don't understand why the building does not take action. All they have to do is post in the elevators that the exterminators will come in to put some bait down in each apartment. They must do three treatments and the ants will be gone. All we can do in this unit is kill the ones in this unit and wait until they make their way from another unit into our unit again. Pharaoh ants are tricky. The website on pharaoh ants, if interested is: http://pestcontrolcanada.com/INSECTS/pharaoh_ants.htm

Lately, this pregnancy is making me very tired. I threw up my breakfast this morning. I felt better afterwards. I had a sandwich with philadelphia, tomatoes and pepper. That was all I ate at the beginning of my pregnancy and now I can not take philadelphia. Markus was sitting at the table eating his butter and jelly sandwich. He did not see me, thankfully. The tiredness could also be the weather. It has been gray, raining and somedays very cold lately. It is now getting darker earlier. Winter is soon upon us. It actually is not a good time to sell, but I am still hopeful.

We bought our son a piggy bank yesterday at value village. For rewards for good behaviour we will give him a penny. I started him off with three pennies yesterday because of his age. Today, I gave him another 23 cents for putting his clothes away, taking his toys to his room and eating very well. Now, he understands that he will get a reward for good behaviour, helping mom out and this teaches him a little about the word "earning" instead of just getting. I told him that he has to earn the money because he wanted to take it out right away. Then I told him about saving so he can buy something at the store. He said it best when after my long speech, he said "I have to earn money, to save money?!" I responded "yes, that is right!" he said "oh okay". I hugged him, he is such an amazing kid and this new kid will be just as amazing.

Buying a house!!! Yikes, what a huge purchase!!!!

We saw two houses we liked yesterday in Oakville for the second time. They were on the same street, couple of doors down from one another. Markus was asleep the whole time because swimming lessons had tired him out. The layout was pretty much the same. One house had a huge backyard with a swing and slide mounted into the floor. The other had a deck build and was wider but length wise very small and narrow. One had carpet of a bayish colour throughout the house and the other was dark wood flooring. In one the basement was finished, the one with the smaller backyard and in the other, the basement was unfinished. Obviously the house with the carpet, a larger backyard and an unfinished basement was cheaper but only by $5000.00. In this neighbourhood, it can get pretty expensive because of the location. It is close to a grocery store, a splash pad, a park, a recreation centre like the YMCA, still not close enough as in walking distance like it is here for me.

Tom and I discussed putting an offer in for the house with the larger backyard and carpet. Tom can do renovations over time. This place would need a new colour of paint on the walls, why this family chose to do the living room in a dark green, and as you enter the house into the hallway, a light green all the way up the stairs and into the bedroom is beyond me. It looks dark, except the hallway, but not very warm upon entering. So, a lot of work would need to be done. If we stay there over a 10 yr span, they will all get done. I don't know if we could rent the basement like we had originally planned.

We have to still sell this condo, that worries me even more. There is still a lot to be done. Tom needs to paint the bathroom holes that he filled in with white. We need to get rid of the clutter in the bedroom that are his tools. We need to repaint the doors white to make it look new and some of the baseboards as well.

I am excited but a little nervous at the same time because I am familiar with this area now and getting use to a new area is quite challenging. Especially, when i have to gain more confidence with driving. I am also hopeful that after the baby is born, I will find a job, it may be easier in Oakville than in Mississauga. Partially because it is not as big as Mississauga and not as multicultural. At first I will be looking for just a part time job to get back into the working habit, it could be teaching but it might not be. I have to prepare for that.

I had my ultrasound and I am 20 weeks and 5 days pregnant with a girl. So, I have to think of girl names. I haven't a clue. I was thinking Naomi. It is a Jewish, Hebrew name that means beauty, pleasant. Markus knows he will get a sister, but I don't think he cares at this point.

We just got back from his reading group at the library. Markus did not want to participate, it was not his day, so we spent the time outside the room listening to the other kids dance and sing. Markus was happy to sit by the fish and watch them swim. He danced outside a bit to the music, when I asked if he was ready to go back in, he said no. Afterwards, we hung around the library and I read to him, he wanted to put on a puppet show for me with the puppet animals. Then we went to Tim Hortons for lunch and now he is watching T.V. I am tuckered out and I am surprised he is not. I am hoping he will go to bed shortly. I still need to do laundry, which I try to avoid as long as possible, vacuum and clean the floors and clean the kitchen, which will not take me long. The thought of doing it takes longer than actually doing it. It is hard to motivate myself on this cloudy, moist, warm rainy day.