This has been a topic that is heavily on my mind. Since my son started school, I worry about bullying a lot because I know the school playground can be a tough place. Bullying doesn't just happen in the playground, it also happens in the work place. Those same playground bullies grow up into work place bullies and the targets of bullying can either grow up into work place victims or change into work place bullies as well. It is hard to stop it without early intervention. Therefore, I try to talk to my son as much as I can about bullying without scaring him. Recently, I have suspected that he is being bullied at school. here is the situation that made me believe this:
Last week, although I tell him over and over again to NOT bring his toys to school, he brought a spider man figurine to school without my knowing. He came home and told me about it and that a kid in his class asked to take it home and give it back the next time they saw each other. Well, the boy did not bring it back and when my son asked for it, the boy said that he did not promise to bring it back. In a way, I think this is a great lesson for him that you can not trust everyone and this is the reason you don't bring toys to school. They don't even have show and tell in this school, which I think is a great idea. I always hated show and tell, even when I was a little girl. It just gave the rich kids a chance to show off what new things they got and it made the poor kids feel bad, especially if someone insulted the item or criticized. It gave kids a chance to compare themselves to each other and feel good or bad about it.
So, my son told me that this same boy gets angry easily and doesn't always want to be friends. This naturally concerned me and my son said that he is not the only one in the class, he gets mad at other kids as well.
Today, I took my daughter to get a flu shot and I went to the mall to get a coffee and buy some scarfs and mitts for my son for this coming winter (a little late) anyway, I got a call from his school asking to bring in more clothes because he had an accident in the bathroom. I rushed home, grabbed a bag with underwear, pants, shirt, socks and shoes and rushed to the school with my sleeping daughter in arms. He has not had an accident in a very very long time. I wonder if something happened today to make him feel bad or if he was feeling scared or nervous.
Another sign I have noticed is that he seems to yell a lot more and get moody. I don't know if this is typical 5 yr old behaviour, but he snaps at his sister a lot, takes away her toys, refuses to share. Sometimes, I don't know how to handle it. I yell a lot at him, when he does that as well and I need to stop!!!! I hate myself for it. His confidence is also low. He gets angry when I ask him to read with me or do a work book with me. I know he does not want to feel like I am testing him, but a boy I sit for will gladly do it. He doesn't like to try. Yesterday in swimming, it was his last day and he has to take it over again. I asked him in the car if he wanted to continue with swimming and he said that he wanted to go with just daddy alone. He doesn't want to be in a class anymore. My husband said that maybe he noticed how all the other kids got badges and he didn't. Yet, he handled it well. He is not one to go on and on about a topic once it has been addressed. He moves on pretty quickly.
Although, yesterday for bedtime, I asked him to choose a story and he said he wanted a book about bullying. So we read "Say Something" by Peggy Moss. I have read this to him since he was 3, but he never chooses this story for bedtime and yesterday was the first time.
I want him and my daughter to know, that their dad and I are always there for them and we will support them through anything. I also want them to be able to share things with us and communicate their feelings.
It brings back childhood memories. I hated school. We moved when I was in grade 2. At the new school, I was terrible bullied. It did not matter that I am a twin. My parents seemed to support my sister more than I because she was always sick and she cried a lot more than I did. We were also raised in the day when you have to TOUGH it out. Kids will be kids and it is just apart of life. I was bullied from grade 3, all the way to high school. Kids knocked over my desk and I was called out and talked to as if it were my fault. My parents never went into the school. I was hit, kicked and punched and called stupid and ugly because I was shy and I was not an attractive kid, but I am a beautiful woman. I am the story of the ugly duckling.
The point is that my parents, were bullied as well, by dad because he had a disability since I was born, since he was a child, he could not play sports. My mom, I have no idea why she was bullied but she talks about one incident and I don't think it was repetitive, as was the case with my father and myself. They did nothing. They were always there for my sister, but my personality was a lot tougher because I cried alone instead of in front of other people like my sister. So, naturally they gave her more love and attention. Recently, my sister had cancer and she had a surgery to remove it, she is good as far as we know and she is pregnant again. So, my mother has always thought that I was the strong one and they have more of a friendship until this day.
My past experiences make me worry about my kids. My experiences are not theirs. My husband does not have these experiences. As a parent all I can do is keep the dialogue going.
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