Worried about a friendship

I'm sure many people have had friends that they have not spoken in a very long time and suddenly wonder whatever happened to that person. At a certain point, it may become to awkward to just phone him/her up to see how he/she is. I don't know if it is just women that have this problem or if it is men as well. But, as crazy as it may sound, I wonder if my friend who take care of Markus while I was in teacher's college is trying to "phase" me out of her life. Since I have been back from college, although she lives just around the corner from me, she has not really called or made an effort to get together. She has been great when I told her I was pregnant again. She was encouraging and she said: "Good! get the kids out of the way first before the career. It works better that way." When I was sick, she brought me ginger ale and ginger to sniff, she said it would help the nausea.

However, she has started school part time again, Tuesdays and Thursday evenings. So, I know she is busy. I just thought that her taking care of Markus would have brought us closer together. I thought we would have gotten together a lot more this summer than we actually did. It has been almost a month since last we spoke. The last time was on my birthday. I phoned her up and asked if I could see her. I went over to her place. Markus played with her kids and I hung out for the day before Tom picked me up after work and took me to Red Lobster for my birthday dinner.

She gave me a few things for the new baby and an old tricycle for Markus that used to be her son's.

My husband and I were lying in bed last night talking about this. He thinks that if she does not call me I should just call her. He is right. But I wonder if women do have this thing such as "phasing" someone out. The last few conversations we have had have been about religion and I know she has a bit of a problem with Tom and I being atheists. I have no problem with her being Catholic. I guess I learned that we can not have debates about religion, not with her. She takes it very seriously and does not listen to other people's opinion. Her mother died of cancer when she was a teenager, so whenever we have tried to have reasonable discussions about religion, she brings up her dead mother. As soon as that happens, the conversation is dead, it is over. How can you argue with reason, logic vs emotions. There are two arguments to this debate, one is emotional and one is based on logic. From an emotional stand point, I too can see how it is easier to cope in life with the belief in God, especially when thinking about loved ones that we have lost. In any case, I feel guilty having had these discussions with her and wish that I would have kept my mouth shut when the topic of religion came up.

On the other hand she could just be busy and waiting for me to call her. She also has a lot more friends than I do, having gone to school, being raised and growing up in Mississauga. She has mept most of her high school friends. There is history. I just have a hand full of friends. Most of my friends are just acquaintances. The ones I have met in Mississauga, either live in my building and have children my age. It is nice to get out once in a while and have an adult conversation. This friend got to know me a bit more than the rest of the people that I have met and I considered her a true friend. Now I am not so sure. Someone with a ton of friends does not always have time for outsiders like myself.

Tom said he would call them up tonight and make a play date for Markus and her kids, so I can have some alone time. I think that would be good. I want Markus to be with friends as well. I know chances are that Markus will not have the same friends through out his life. People come and go and some are just speed bumps a long the way. In your life for a certain time period, taught you some lessons, had a good time but it runs it's course and new people come along. If one is really lucky, the friendships will last forever, although it is rare. I feel my friendships with my friend in Boston and one in Oshawa will last forever. I have known them since high school and they are the only ones I keep in touch with.

I do miss this friend and maybe I build her up and made her out to be something she is not and now the rose coloured glasses are coming off. Or maybe, she really is just busy and there will be a time we will see each other soon again. For now, I miss her, but I can't control my environment and I just have to let things run their course.

Being a stay at home mom, I do tend to focus on friendships and not just mine, but for my son as well. I almost feel like in high school again when these things mattered. Now, they don't, but they do at the same time in a very different way. I miss her, that is my point.